Never Is Never Long Enough
by DeeS3340
Summary: Christian Grey Cheat Story.
1. Chapter 1

Christian cheat story. [ Hey everyone. So after a long heiatus I have decided to come back to the writing thing again. But unfortunately I will be deleting all previous stories and beginning again. Im sorry about the love for the other stories, but to be honest, I have lot all interest in them. Just a heads up. I am an angst writer and prefer to write stories along that line. ] 


	2. Chapter 2

* ANA POV *

You know that feeling, the one that makes the hairs on the back of your hair stand on edge? Its that same feeling of burning electricity that leaves licks of sensation in its wake. Its the type of feeling that you cant quite touch, but you can feel it. I have been having that feeling now for weeks. At first I thought nothing of it and passed it off as us getting used to each other and I didn't want to push him. I was after all, the one moving in with him. He had never lived with anyone and even though there were times in the 6months that I have been here that he couldn't look at me, it was worth it. He was worth all of it.

After I ran out on him after he took things to far in the red room, he came to my place after a week and begged for forgiveness. A stronger, more wiser Ana would have closed that door and not even gave him a glance, let alone another chance. But there was something in the way that he begged to be with me and the little whimpers at the end of every gasp made me rethink wether it even really hurt that much. He had red rimmed eyes and look sleep wasn't coming easy. If I was being truthful to myself I was glad that he had come and that he had missed me enough to come to me. The big Christian mountain moved and that was all I needed to come back to him. I was so happy to see him that I forgot about just how much it hurt, not only physically but also emotionally, to have him hurt me the way he did. It was like I saw the darkness in him and even though I shied away from it, I knew that there was other parts of him that wanted me just as I am; however small that part of him was. But now sitting here at the dinner table alone, again, made me really question if I had made the right choice at all. It was like living with a ghost. I could feel his presence everywhere, but I could never fully see him. At first I made excuses that he was just as busy as I was with work, if not more. And at the start he did try. He would at least grace with me with a warm smile when he left or a cute not saying he would be late. But now its blunt emails and more then not Taylor telling me he wouldn't be home before I fell asleep. Now it was harder to make up reasons why we could be the way we were.

I was working out more and eating right. I had even stopped complaining about the security that he said I didn't have a choice about. I felt as if a little bit by little bit, I was becoming something I didn't even recognise. At this point I just wanted whatever bombshell to explode because all the waiting was killing me. There is nothing worse than sensing something coming and not knowing what and when it would get here. Most of all, I could see that there were people around me who knew. Gail was too careful about what she said. It was like she had to make sure she didn't slip up and say something she wasn't supposed to. Our relationship before was so simple and easy and carefree. It was like having a older sibling or even a mother figure to point me in the right direction and talk about things that really weren't that important at all. But now, like everything else, it had become strained and too forced. And I didn't like it. A noise brings my attention from the chicken risotto that is now cold and sticky. Bells. Its my phone. I didn't want to look at it. It would be another email speaking of late nights and long meetings and unknown times of arrival. And the mood I was in was already low enough and it didn't need help from Christian and his excuses to make things worse. But like the fool I have become, it doesn't take me long to give in, to come running.

 _ **5 minutes. Holt café. x**_

I knew the place. I had even been there enough to know some of the staff. But what I didn't get was the cryptic message. Christian usually wasn't this cold. Cold he was sometimes, most times, but this was different. He didn't sound like the person I knew, not even the person I had seen recently but the more I read and re-read the message, I convinced myself of the light tone. It maybe different and odd and confusing but it was alluring as hell. Maybe this would be the beginning, the start of the turn around. Maybe this was his way of spicing up the luke warm waters we were treading together. He was known for surprises, and making big gestures. And even if he hadn't said he loved me yet, he had shown at times he did. With a jolt, I got up and raced for the elevator. Luckily I hadn't changed out of the work attire I had worn that day; simple knee high pencil skirt, white blouse and long off cream coat. I looked good. I had time to spend on looking after myself, taking time in the morning to get ready and apply products at night in Christians absence had done wonders.

 _"I'm just heading out for a little bit Sawyer. I know what the answer, but I'm going to ask anyways. Can I please drive and you can ride with me?"_

 _"Miss Steele, I don't know. I don't want to get you in trouble with the boss."_

 _"Look, I wont. Come on. That car sits there all day and night and we never get to use it. Or are you scared you wouldn't be able to handle it? I'll even let you drive it back here. Promise. And for crap sake would you call me Ana."_

 _That was all it took. If it wasn't for Sawyer, I would have lost my mind. He has been here filling in the spot where Christian should be. We had been to dinners and movies and theme parks and once even for drinks. Of course it was only because Christian would bail last second but nonetheless I had fun. More fun than I was having with someone who was supposed to be here with me. It took us less that 15 minutes to get there. There was hardly anyone in the place because it was close to 9 at night. But I didn't care, I was happy and more excited than I could contain. The place was always so beautiful. There was little wooden tables and fairy lights that gave off a warm glow. Small melodic music played in the background and for some reason it always smelt like warm honey. There was a small dog, axe, that lounged where he usually was just under the bar and the sound of clinking glasses of the few couples left gave me hope. This was perfect. I stopped to look in the mirror and straightened out my clothes. Hopefully the new perfume I was wearing wouldn't put him off and for the strangest reason I was nervous. I hoped that I would still see that lust in his eyes and the want in his gestures. There was sex, every couple days but not enough to make me satisfied or to keep the longing away._

 _I could hear laughing. It was the type of laugh I had once and looking back, that should have warned me. It was carefree, worriless, content. I knew that laugh. I had grown to revel in that laugh and lately missed that laugh. I rounded the corner with my smile seeming to drift. The whole room was charged with electricity; it was like it had its own pulse and was moving to the beat of my own. What I noticed first was his hand. That hand was stroking her face. And it was if everything around me stopped moving; stopped living. His eyes where with wonder, staring unashamingly at only her. She however I couldn't see because her back was to me, but there was no doubt she was beautiful. Her thing legs crossed under her seat had dark brown heels that lead to her painted on jeans. I could see he was her type; long brown hair, tall, slender. Somewhere in the back of my mind strong Ana took over and moved my body behind the wall I just passed. I could hear him whispering sweet nothings about his day, what he had done and where he would be the rest of the week. She, with a voice of bells, replied in short sentences of approval. It was only when she said my name that I actually began really listening._

 _"What about Ana, Christian? I'm not going to be your secret much longer. I cant bear it."_

 _I almost ran, and didn't stay to hear his reply. I wanted so much for my legs to move and take me somewhere, anywhere. But I couldn't move. I was frozen and confusingly transfixed on this small brown dog with black spots in front of me. It was staring at me, like it usually did. I wanted to scream and cry and run and hide but my brain wasn't fast enough._

 _"Look Sienna, I'm not about to walk away from her. I cant. Not yet. I don't know what to do. Its like I'm being torn into two pieces. You know your more than a sub to me and I know Ana deserves more, but I cant choose. Please don't make me choose."_

 _This wasn't the man I knew. He wasn't even in the same field as the man I knew. He was pleading, the way he plead to me. She wasn't a sub, but neither was I or had ever been. But I could tell he had already made his choice. While I was at home waiting for him, he was dreading it. This was the reason. I wasn't enough. She was getting the best of him and I was getting the indifferent, cold version of him. Even though he was saying he wasn't ready to make a choice, I was._


	3. Chapter 3

* ANA POV *

I turned away, broken. Not the type that can be fixed with sweet promises and hopeful wishes, it was the type of broken that you cant come back from. It was my first heartbreak and with a sudden realisation, I knew he had probably done this before. He would have loved and lost, and had heartbreak and hurt and he would know how to manage. He would know what to expect and would have figured out what to do to make himself feel better. I, however, would not. Every second was something new; some new emotion that bubbled and boiled and ripped through me. As I silently left the café, I thought about just how ironic this whole thing was. I kept telling myself that this would pass and that I was enough, when it was so abundantly clear that I wasn't. I let him fool me, probably like he had done to other girls before me and worse still I had let it happen. I let him walk all over me and thanked him for it.

"Ana?"

It was only when Sawyer stood in front of me, holding my shoulders, that i realised that I wasn't moving anymore. As looked at him, I could only see one thing on his face, pity. And even though I was so brutally hurt, seeing him look at me with pity in his eyes hurt me all over again. Turning away, I began to walk. I needed to move, to feel the air burning in my lungs, to just feel something different then that pain of my heart being ripped from my chest. I could hear Sawyer walking behind me, speaking words that seemed so foreign to me now, but it didn't mean anything. For all I knew he could be reporting back to Christian or Taylor. Then It hit me and as I spun around I caught Sawyer off guard.

"Did you know?"

"No." Liar.

"Tell me! Did you know? You would have to have known. There isn't a thing you and Taylor don't know about my life these days."

"Ok. Yes. I knew. I have known for about 3 weeks. I wanted to tell you. I really did. And there were so many times I nearly did."

It was like I was punched, like I was actually punched in the chest by a weightlifter on roids. I couldn't breath and every time I tried to pull in some much needed air, I couldn't make it go down. The streets were spinning and the world seemed to moving in slow motion. So there had been a reason to the pity in his eyes. He knew, for 3 weeks he knew and what more, Taylor would have known it had been going on for longer. 3 weeks seemed like such a long time to lie to someone. I couldn't keep a secret from anyone that long, let alone someone I was sleeping with. This whole time Christian was seeking this other women out and getting everything he needed from her. All the while I was trying my hardest. I was putting on smiles when I didn't have any to give, I was staying up late thinking about how hard it would be for him working this hard and even worse, I was doubting myself. I was thinking there was something that I did, something I must have done to make him so distant. It was then the tears came. Tears that didn't stop the whole way home or even the whole night. Sawyer had managed to get me back to Escala without as much of a word between us. I felt betrayed because I thought he was my friend and not just someone hired to babysit me. But I was wrong. I was wrong about so much these days.

"Ana?"

"Yes Sawyer?" I couldn't keep the indifference from my voice. I knew it wasn't his fault nor was it even his choice, but the friendship I was used to didn't involve lying.

"What are you going to do?"

"Nothing. I'm going to shower and go to bed. It would do you well to not speak of the events that happened tonight. I am more than sure that Christian would not be happy that I have found out about his little side business."

"Please." He was looking down as if ashamed to see me, to see all the pain that now lived there. It was then that I saw his shoulders slumping and his breathing hard.

"I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted to you know. That's why I didn't put up a fight when you wanted to go out. I thought if it happens, and she finds out, it will be better than not knowing. "

I could see he was telling the truth, but in all honesty, I really couldn't care. I had other images flying around in my head and there wasn't enough room for another persons thoughts in there. He knew, yes, and he didn't say anything but that didn't mean he didn't care. He just couldn't say anything about it. I hated him for it, almost as much as I hated Christian at the moment. It was then that that similar sound of my phone going off that broke our staring contest.

"Hello" I picked it up without even looking at the screen. At this point what more could happen. Whoever it was didn't have any news that would make this night worse.

"Ana, its me. Look, I have something that has come up and I wont be back for 2 days. I know Sawyer is with you, so you will be safe. And since its Wednesday, I should be back by the weekend. And then we can go out and do something, I promise."

Any other time I would have loved to get a call. It would have meant so much to me then and it would have shown me that he was at least communicating with me at all. But now it left a bitter taste in my mouth. I knew he was lying and he knew he was lying. I couldn't form words. Everything was happening to fast and i didn't have enough time to figure out what my next move was. Should I leave? Should I stay? Where would I go. Kate was with Elliot on some vacation and the thought of being alone in our apartment terrified me. But staying here terrified me even more than that. If I stayed either rage or uncontrollable crying would be the reception that he came home to and right now I didn't want to speak or even see him. At this point I didn't need an explanation or a reason or even a plan, all I knew is that I didnt want him anywhere near me. The silence from me must have concerned him enough to prod.

"Ana? Are you OK? Is there something wrong?"

"No. Just I am going back to my apartment tonight."

"What?! Why?"

Lie. Don't speak anything other than what you have to. It wouldn't mean much when he found out, I almost wanted him to question me more so I could explode. I needed time. At least enough time to think, to manage how I felt and time to keep myself together and not completely fall apart.

"No reason. I just haven't been back there in a while and I have some things I wanted to get anyways. Plus, I will have Sawyer with me the whole time."

"I don't want you to leave Escala. I want you to be safe. You mean to much to me for something to happen to you. I would feel better if you just stayed there until I got back."

That hurt.

"I will be ok."

I had to end this call or I knew that the next words that came out of my mouth would either be tearful or hate filled. And at this moment I didn't know which. I was on edge and anything could push me. And hearing him speaking as if he cared was another blow.

"Well, anyways I will check in when I get there ok. Talk to you later."

Quickly hanging up, I headed for our room. The room wafted of him and I almost stopped. Was it really that bad? I didn't know the whole story and maybe I could have got it completely wrong, and maybe there was some way that it wasn't what it looked like. God, I wished it wasn't what I saw. Alone in the closet, I looked at all the perfect things and all the perfect arrangements of jewels and watches and gowns and suits. This is what he wants. A perfect home. He would want some one at home everyday to give themselves to him. He wanted order and control and above all reassurance. He would want his public world perfect with his perfect Ana waiting on him to come home and only give half of himself to. Does she have to go through this? Hope says yes, but reality no. She knew about me, it was me that was totally side-tracked. He made promises to me, he convinced me to stay here all the time and all the while he was giving her something promised to me. God only knows what she was getting in return. Was she able to touch him in ways I could not or was she what he needed more than I was? Did she never say no or was just the thing he wanted? He knew he could only have so much of me, and maybe that's why. She probably loves the pain and relishes in and that would be something that he would want.

But what if it wasn't like that at all? What if he actually loved her? And I was just a loose end that refused to get the hint. There had been more than enough hints that there was something up, but still I was here. I was crying and worrying about him when I knew for a fact that there was no way that he was doing the same. He was with her and the phone call proved it. I needed to wake up. I needed to move and move now. I pulled out my phone and looked for the number and called.

"Ethan? Is that you?" Ethan was Kates brother. He was always nice to me and was always helpful. Hopefully he was back in town and not running after the flavour of the month again.

"Steele, I was wondering where you were? I have been trying to get in contact with you for days, but I kept getting Christian."

"Yea, my phone broke so I got a new one. I thought I had the same number but apparently not. Look where are you?"

"Would you believe I'm at your place. Kate gave me the keys before she left. I thought she told you this."

"Yeah sorry I totally forgot. Been really out of it lately. I was just calling to let you know that I'll be there in about half an hour. So you better get all those girls outta my place."

I tried as hard as I could to put as much banter as I could into it. I hoped he couldn't hear the heartbreak or sense just how close to edge I was. I totally forgot that he would be there, at least one thing tonight was working in my favour.

"Not this time Steel. Yeah I'll be here. Will probs be asleep by the time you get here tho. Have an early start tomorrow."

"No problem. I wont wake you up when I get in. See you soon. "

After that it felt just like checking things off a list. Toothbrush. Hairbrush. Mobile charger. Laptop. Keys. Clothes. Two pairs of shoes. Glasses and go. Just as I was about to walk out I had to look back once. I saw the bed. That used to be my happy place; the place that made me feel most cherished, now just felt like an instrument of my betrayal. How long did I lay there thinking of only him? How many nights had I awoken to him nowhere to be found? Too many. Sending up a silent prayer to whoever was supposed to be up there, that I wouldn't encounter any other problems tonight.

*Christian POV*

There was something wrong, terribly wrong. Ana had been abrupt and closed off and unlike her. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I had inner debates about it over and over. But my concentration was becoming less and less as Sienna nibbled on my ear. She smelt of roses and the woods. There was something about her that I couldn't get enough of. When I was around her I couldn't think straight. She was like winter and summer all in one. She was smart and witty and ivy league. She was shy and contrite. It was one of the reasons I was attracted to her. She started working for restaurant across the street and it had been sheer fate that we met. Taylor had stopped there to get a coffee when I saw her. At first I didn't know what was happening when I walked up to her, but then we spoke and the rest is history. I was completely shocked when she atoned that she knew who I was and knew of my tastes and that she too was into the same thing I was. At first I was shocked that someone had spilled secrets and that I would need to spend a lot of money to make this all go away, when she stated that she use to work for Elena. And because I hadn't been to the club in a while it seemed plausible that there would be new girls. One call to Elena had confirmed as much. I felt bad for not only needing it, but for hurting Ana. I still had feelings for Ana. She was the light in my life but after a lifetime of living in the darkness, it was bound to rub off on me. I kept telling myself that this was better than doing what I needed to Ana and risk her leaving again. I thought that it was just sex, nothing substantial. But as the weeks passed I found myself finding excuses to see Sienna or to avoid Ana. She would always look at me like I was the man who hung the moon and it made me feel like utter shit. I could see her eating more and talking back less, but my mind wouldn't leave the brunette behind me. After 30 minutes of teasing I was about to come right then and there.

"Hmm, that feels nice."

"What would sir want me to do to make him feel better?"

That was the problem. She knew what to say and how to say it. She was a siren to all my dirty desires. Every call I made, she responded with approval. It was what I needed.

"Room. 10 minutes."

As she walked away, her hair was done, she wore nothing but a lacy black boy shorts. I had to be quick or I wasn't going to last long. I made a call to Sawyer. He didn't answer first call, which annoyed me greatly. On the second try, he picked up.

"Sawyer."

"Where the fuck are you? Why didn't you answer?"

"Sorry sir. I was racing after Ana."

"What? Where the fuck is she?"

"I don't know sir. She managed to get to the cars and drove off without me, sir. I was checking the perimeter and she usually waits for me, but she left."

"Fuck! You better find her or its your job. Do fucking hear me? Find her!"

There was something very wrong. She had told me of her plans, but this was not what she was like. She was feisty and sharp tonged but she never put herself in danger. She had started to understand the need for all the security for someone I cared for. Something sickening clicked. She wouldn't act like this if there was not a reason for it. I just hoped to god that it wasn't what I thought it was.

* ANA POV*

"Ethan, I know that I said I was coming there but I need to go somewhere else, anywhere else. Do you know anywhere?"

"What has happened Ana?"

"Please I will tell you when I get there but I need somewhere."

"My parents have a house just outside the city. I'll take you there. Where are you?"

"Out front. Hurry ."

Within 2 minutes he was racing toward the car, duffle bag in hand. He had a creased forehead and was looking like he could take on the world. I always thought he was the strongest person I had ever met. Kate and I had been friends since we were kids and he was always around. I never had to worry about anything because he was always there, to help out or be the muscle when we as girls, needed it. I had made a last moment decision. While I was looking back at the room that I thought was only mine, I saw the picture on the far dresser. I hadn't even noticed when it got there. It was of me and Christian and a couple of his friends at a function last month. Up until now I hadn't noticed anything other then me and him, but it wasn't until I looked closer that I saw her. She was in the background, with only eyes for him. She must have been there with the catering company or something, but it was enough to push me to run. I didn't want to hear excuses or stories and I didn't want this to come to head on his terms. I wanted them to be on mine and for that I needed time. Time away from him so he wouldn't cloud my judgement. So here I was, not knowing what to do or who to turn to. With a smile I hug Ethan and draw in his scent of childhood memories.

"Where to?"

"Highway south. Now spill. Its about an hours drive and I have a feeling that this has to do with that rich fucker."


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks Guys!

Comment and follow!

Will be doing questions/ suggestions tomorrow!

Follow for updates tomorrow!

* ANA POV *

The car ride to the Ethan's families home was filled with chatter, mostly about me and my shit storm of a life. I didn't want to talk about it but there really wasn't anyway to avoid it. I had asked him for help, and like the good friend that he was, came without any need for more explanation. I felt like I owed him a reason for his trip all the way here.

" Are you sure that you can take time off from work? I can take you back now. I totally didn't think about your life in all this."

"Please, I don't need to be at that place. I practically own it now and I can say when I take time off. Plus, I have been needing time off. I just needed a reason, not that you love woes is a good reason."

"I just don't want you to get into trouble. Jack wasn't exactly happy when I told him that I was taking time off. But I need to be as far away from Seattle as I can get."

"What happened? You really haven't told me anything. Not that I don't like spending time with ya, its just I sorta wanna know, ok. Does Christian know your here?"

"No and right now I couldn't care what he thinks. He hurt me really bad Ethan. Not physically or anything, like he hasn't hit me or anything, but I'm like 90 per cent sure he is cheating on me. I don't know what to do."

"I cannot believe that guy. Did I not tell you I had a weird feeling about him?"

He had. I had told him about the same time that Kate found out. But for some reason Ethan told me that the vibes he was getting off Christian was not anything good. But I was in love or in the hopes for something close to it and I was completely unable to think of him in any other way than being perfect. But Ethan never pressured me about it. He told me how he felt and let me make my own choice; it was a choice I would later regret, but my choice none the same. And looking at him now, I could see that he genuinely only wanted good things for me. He had never made me feel uncomfortable or annoying. Even during my awkward teenage years, he always told me about how I was beautiful no matter what, and that I only had to answer to myself. He made my life bearable. My parents were going through a messy break up and even though Kate was there, I couldn't always talk to her. She had always been beautiful and confident and outspoken and brave and sometimes I just was intimidated by that. It wasn't until we were both in college, that I found my own calling and with that grew into some resemblance of confidence. Ethan and Kate had just always been there, standing behind me in everything I wanted to do, so it did come as a surprise when Ethan flat out said Christian was trouble. I should have seen the signs. Its not like Ethan was a player or just looking for notches in his bedposts, but he did know a lot about guys and how things usually played out if a guy was off. He probably saw a bit of himself in Christian, even though they were polar opposites. Christian was like a god; copper haired, tall, slim and chiselled. Whereas Ethan was earthly; blonde relaxed hair and brown eyes, muscular and toned. Most people would have died to be with him, where as I was just happy to be his friend.

"I know. What's worse, is that I feel like I should have seen this coming. He was being so distant for so long, that I honestly should have just up and left a long time ago. But I really liked him. It was not because he is loaded, believe me. It was something in him that I found so alluring. But apparently he didn't feel the same way about me."

"Listen to me Ana, and I'm only going to give that dick a small amount of talk time and that's it. If he cant see you and how amazing you are, fuck him. There is nothing wrong with being on your own. If he is with some other chick, its cause he cant handle loving you the way you should be loved. And you do not need him to make feel anything less than what you are. Your perfect ok. Just fuck him, I don't even want to know the whole story, but I can tell he has hurt you, and now you know you cant trust him. So move on and find someone you can trust."

Everything he was saying was the right thing to say in this situation, and I know I sounded dumb, but I didn't want anyone else. I wanted Christian. I wanted the life that I thought we would have with each other, but now it seemed like there was no chance of that ever happening. I saw the way he looked at her; it was like she was the sun to him and in his eyes I could see everything I wasn't getting. I wasn't enough six months ago and I wasn't enough now. So why was I here thinking about him? Truthfully, it wasn't like a lot of time had passed, but I had hoped that there would be some sort of commotion. That he would come running and tell me it wasn't what it looked like and that had been some sick joke or some grave misunderstanding, but there hadn't been any word in the almost 3 hours since I left. A chilling thought of him being tied up with other things or people came to mind, and all the walls of indifference that I tried to build were crumbling down. I was so confused; one second I'm thinking that this was the best thing for me and that I got out before I really invested too much and got hurt too much, the next I'm waiting for him to come rescue me and take me into his arms. I'm so angry at him, and I hate him and love him and miss him and never want to see him all at the same time. My emotions were giving me a major headache and a bad case of whiplash.

"Look, I know. I cant trust him anymore and I will eventually go back and face the music. But for right now, all I want to do is have a drink and hang out with you and not think about how shit my life is right now."

"Steele, you don't have to ask me twice. I don't think I have actually spent anytime with you lately. Its like the last time we sat down and actually spoke was when you were taking your finals and lord knows how annoying you were then, with all the "I'm not gonna pass" bullshit."

"Hey!"

And with a punch to the arm and smile on my face, we pulled up to a beautiful home on a lake. It was a single story home with a pebble path leading to the door. By now it was pushing towards midnight, and with everything that has happened tonight, I was ready for bed. The house was amazing. It was nothing like Escala. There were flowers everywhere; all colours of red and white and yellow. There was trees surrounding the property, that bordered the lake and around the sides of the house. You could hear the wind and the rustle of leaves on the breeze and all around was the smell of fresh rain. As we walked inside, there was lounge room with a large fire place and rustic fixtures of oak and mahogany. The tiles felt cold underfoot, which lead us on a path to the kitchen/ dinning room. It was large and had modern appliances. There was a mixture of old world meets modern twist, but you could tell that there would have been meals and celebrations around this heart of the home. Large double doors lead out to a deck that was in view of the water and the greenest of grasses.

"I guess you can stay in Kates room."

"I didn't know that Kate had a room here. I remember the old house. I just thought her stuff was there."

"Yeah, well my dad wanted to move out of the city and all our stuff got moved here. My stuff is here too. We only come here for holidays. I must admit its beautiful here. I feel shit that I don't come here enough."

"Where are your parents now?"

"Travelling. They worked all the time when we were kids, you know that. Now since both Kate and me are all grown up they can see the world the way they have always wanted. Last time I checked they were somewhere near Tuscany or something. I'm glad that all that work actually paid off for them."

"Hey, they would be proud of both you and Kate. You guys have got your lives all together. You have made it too. Last I heard you were practically the boss at your architect firm. That's something to be proud of. "

"I'm really just taking over the family business. Dad cant do it too much longer and I have always loved making things. Come on, I will show you where to sleep. I'm beat."

We went down a long corridor that ended in two door on either side of the hall. On the right was Ethan's room and on the left was Kates room. Her room was filled with things from our childhood. There were pictures of us at graduation, at high school prom and family trips, all in neat little white frames all around the room. The large white bed was in the centre in front of another set of double doors, with another angle of the garden and water. The cream carpet felt nice underfoot and to the right wall, there was a closet; probably filled with clothes of our youth and of the present. That girl had so much clothes there wasn't a doubt in my mind that the surplus would have to spill over to a second location. Ethan left and I decided a shower and bed was the only thing I would think about tonight. In the steam is when I cried the most. I emptied everything I had into the water running over me. I found myself feeling the need to rub him off me, to remove every touch, every caress and every kiss that he left on me. I didn't want to feel him on me, suffocating me. All I could think about was the way he would be holding her, cherishing her, the way he had cherished me. I thought that he would have learnt from me leaving the first time. The whole week we didn't speak, was like torture for me; I hated every second that I was away from him. I thought that he had gone through the same thing I had, and that he wouldn't want to ever feel that way again. I had given him too much credit, and that was why it hurt more than ever. Because I thought he was better than he was; I thought he would be better or at least try longer than five months to mess around. My skin was searing, red with pain. Anything was better than the pain that I was going through now. It took my mind off the ache in my chest. As I looked in the mirror, I could see just how much this was taking a toll on me in this short time. My eyes were hollow, my skin was blotchy, my hair wet with no life. I just looked like I had nothing left. Like all the Ana had been scooped out and there was nothing but a hollow shell left behind. I hate him. Not only for the pain he caused me, but for the person he turned me into. I just hope I could sleep this off. The bed was comfy enough, and even though there usually wasn't anyone with me, tonight was the first night I actually felt alone.

* Ethan's POV*

I woke to a scream, a blood curdling scream and at first I forgot where I was. I could hear crying. I knew exactly that cry. I remember that cry from way back. Ana had cried this way when I told her that superman wasn't actually a real person. She had a massive crush on him all throughout junior college, and as the little shit I was back then, I had told her he wasn't real. I felt like a prick afterwards, when she started to cry. I had to promise her that I would take her to any movie of her choice and pay for any candy she wanted. It was worth it. I hated seeing her that upset. I never did it again. I couldn't bring myself to. And now I could hear the same cry. It was so surreal hearing it at all after all this time. Ana didn't want people thinking she was weak or some shit, and she never let anyone know how sad or upset she actually was. It was the one thing I would change about her. It always so hard to read her, but she gave some clues. She blushed when she was lying or flirting and when she was really pissed at you, she would chew the inside her cheek. It was little things like this that gave her away, and the whole ride here she wouldn't stop chewing at her mouth. I knew something was up, and when she called me it was obvious that she needed help. It had to be about that rich prick, who thinks he his the best at everything. I hadn't liked him then and fucked if I liked him now. Crossing the hallway, I could tell the bedside lamp was on. There was a warm glow from under the door and I could hear her talking to someone, probably him. Would be right to call her in the middle of the night, like the creep he is. I could hear her angry cries, like she had a world of emotions going on inside her. Silently I put my ear to the cold door.

 _No. I'm not telling you where I am._

 _No, Christian. I do not want to talk to you._

 _How could you do this to me?_

 _No, I think I deserve an explanation._

 _Well its not up to you._

 _Fuck you._

 _I dare you. I dare you to try. The way I feel right now, I dare you to try and come here._

 _How could you?_

 _I know I'm not beautiful or pretty or rich or over the top famous, but I thought that didn't matter to you._

 _Don't lie to me. There would only be one reason to do this. I was never enough for you._

That was all I could take. I hated hearing her talk as if she wasn't worth anything. She was one of the only ones who believed in me, apart from my parents and Kate. When all those high school bitches made fucking rumors about me being gay and teachers saying I wouldn't amount to anything, her and Kate made it bearable until I bulked up and moved out of the awkward shit part of my life. I walked to her bed and snatched the phone from her hand.

"You have to come home Ana. We can work through this. I don't even know what you know but it wasn't what it seemed like ok."

"Listen here dickhead. She doesn't want anything you have to give ok. Stop fucking calling her."

I could see Ana shaking her head, eyes pleading for me to give her the phone and to stop yelling at Christian. But he needed to know that there were people with her who gave a shit about her. And if he thinks I was bad, he had another thing when Kate found out. She would tear him a new one and I personally would love to see that shit.

"Ethan, this has nothing to do with you. You don't need to talk to me about Ana. I. KNOW. HER. VERY. INTIMATELY. SHE. IS. MINE"

"The fuck is wrong with you man? She doesn't want to talk to you and you need to fuck off and listen to what she wants."

"Give her the fucking phone."

"Man, you might wanna watch how you speak to me aye. I'm not a fucking employee of yours. So your overbearing shit get real old real quick. Don't make me make the trip back to Seattle and teach you how the fuck to speak to people who have been in Ana's life more than a fucking minute."

"Ethan, put fucking Ana..."

I hung up and turned her phone off. That was it for one day. Ana had tears running down her face. She looked like she hadn't slept a second of the night. I could help but feel so sad for her. Her small shoulders were still moving with now silent sobs. And for the first time in a long time, I saw just how vulnerable she really is. I moved to the other side of the bed, and jumped in the bed with her. I didn't want anything more than to just comfort her and be a friend to her. Holding her, she finally found sleep, just as the sun was rising over the horizon.

* Christian POV*

That fucker was with her, god knows where, doing god knows what. I hated the thought of her crying to him and not to me more than I should. I wanted to talk to her and make her understand or at least tell my side of the story. I had no idea how she found out, not that it wasn't a major issue, and I only knew that she was outside of Seattle somewhere. She was smart enough to turn off the GPS just as she got onto the highway, after stopping at her apartment for a brief time. I wanted to smash something or fire someone or do something I know I will regret. I raced back to Escala after she hung up on me with a great weight in my stomach. She wouldn't answer her phone and Sawyer had no idea where she would go. Kate was with Elliot somewhere, and I already checked and knew she wasn't with her mother in Georgia. I had a feeling she was with Ethan, when Taylor had informed me he had been in town for a couple of days. I just wanted to know that she was ok and to talk to her and tell her I still had strong feelings for her. I never wanted her to find out, let alone loose her. I couldn't bear the thought of her with someone else. I knew the irony there. I was with someone else cheating, but still wanted her for myself. When she first left, I hated every second without her, and now its more. It more hurtful, more painful, more intense because I knew there was a great chance that she would never be the same again and she would never want anything to do with me again. That I could not comprehend. I had come alive since I had met her. In many ways she had opened me to other people. She had allowed others to get closer to me. My relationship with my mother and father was better, and we spoke often and freely. Elliot said I was a happy bastard. I was happy. I just did not see sienna coming, and now the two world are colliding and it was all my fault. I hate myself and I know I should stop. I never thought it would be this hard to be a decent person. Sienna understood. She told me to take care of the situation with Ana. I think she was heading out of town on Friday anyways, so at least I can focus on Ana. I needed to make a choice. I should choose Ana and I hope that she still chooses me. Even though I had hurt her, I still believed that she still had feelings for me. She wouldn't give up us with out so much as a conversation.

"Sir?"

"What Taylor?"

"I have that information that you asked for. "

"Well?"

"There is footage from the café that you went to earlier. Sawyer and Ana were seen entering, then exiting. They had a conversation and left in the car back to Escala. We also managed to find the location of the family home of Ethan. Just a couple hours outside the city."

"Get the car ready."

I had to get her. I had to make her understand.


	5. Chapter 5

*Ana POV*

I woke up around 11am to snoring and banging; snoring that drilled into the side of my head and banging somewhere off in the distance. Probably the front door. I couldn't care about it. I didn't care about much anymore. I did however sleep really well. It was a deep sleep with no dreams of grey eyes and red rooms. It was actually dreamless, void of anything. It was just darkness and blackness and hollowness; just the sort of dream that I needed. I did however have a dead arm. It was pinned underneath Ethan for some reason. I must have tried to hold on to him while I was asleep and his head must have landed in the join of my elbow. All I know was I was starving, needing to pee super bad and pinned to the bed. I didn't want to wake Ethan. He had come into the room sometime in the morning, while I was on the phone to Christian and played the knight in shinning armour. He had told Christian in no uncertain words to fuck off. If it had been in any other circumstance, I would have laughed too and been happy to see his reaction. But now it was like knives; cutting me to pieces all the time. As I looked at Ethan, I tried to think of what could have been. I had to admit, there was a time when I had more than just a harmless crush on the man next to me. I had just been accepted into the courses I wanted, and we were having a celebratory gathering of friends. I had got so tipsy, that unashamingly I kissed him. It was a small innocent kiss, but it came from somewhere I tried to bury for the longest time. It was warm and sweet and sent tingles everywhere, but when he pushed me away, and whispered words along the lines of "You're my kid sisters best friend" and "This cant happen", I quickly retreated and pretended to be more drunk than I was. Of course the next day, he was not in any way awkward or standoffish, in fact he brought me breakfast and sat with me when I said I had a headache and could not even try to get out of bed. We spoke about what happened, and I pretended like I couldn't remember what I had done and that I was sorry it ever happened. I did most of the talking because I couldn't bear the thought of him pushing me away again. It was after that, that I studied hard and forgot about boys, that was until Christian. It was hard to look at him and not think about the life that I could have had. I could be travelling the world with him, England for me and Spain for him, or we could be living together in some reasonably priced house in the city. I would wake up and make him breakfast and he would kiss me on the cheek before he left for work. But I went down a different path and choose a different life. I'm sure things could have been different for me and Ethan. There was one conversation that Kate had with me, where she told me that Ethan had been overly jealous of a friend Jose, and said something along the lines of missing his chance. But I ignored it, thinking that I didn't want to try again and loose him as a friend. And now even though he was snoring his head off and nearly breaking my arm, I wish I had tried. And now I felt like I could never love again. I felt like he had stolen a bit of me. I gave him my virginity and allowed him to go places no other person had been. I thought that meant something to him. But he was taking my gift, and giving spitting all over it. I had never slept with anyone else, hell he was the first man I had ever seen naked. And now every memory that I thought was cherished, now is tainted. Its like he didn't care to think once about me, when all I had ever done was think about him. And now, sex and love seemed like a horror movie, instead of something romanticised and magical. I would always feel like I was never enough. If I had given him what he wanted he wouldn't have strayed and gone to someone else and we would be ok. But we are not ok; I'm not ok. He could be but for all I know, he is waist deep in someone else right now.

"Are you gonna get the door or do I have too?"

"Ana, just leave it. Hopefully the fucker will get the hint and go away."

"I don't think that is going to happen. They have been banging for like five minutes now"

"Fine. But you have to make food and coffee since I have to play butler."

His smile was infectious. Even though the world around me was collapsing, I could smile in these little moments. He got up and left, and it was only then that I felt the need to get up myself and pretend to be human. I got up and went to the bathroom. My eyes were looking somewhat normal and my skin was no longer red _. One task at a time Ana. One task at a time_. Brush teeth. Hair. Pee. Change. Search for food. I decided to wear something summery. Old Ana would be wearing black and living in the darkness, but this Ana wanted to feel pretty and pretend she was normal; even if it was just for this morning. It was decided that denim shorts and deep blue halter top was what I wanted to wear. With a pony tail and slippers of Kates, I made my way to the Kitchen. I could hear talking, whispers and hushes. At first I thought it was Christian, but he would not be this calm and simply talk about what he wanted. He would take, because that's the type of person he was. He was the type of person that took whatever he wanted, when he wanted. As I rounded the corner, I saw Sawyer standing behind the kitchen island with Ethan standing guard in front of him.

"So, you found me? Did he send you?"

"Ana?"

"Yes Sawyer its me. Who else would it be? Big Bird? Why are you here?"

"I came to see if you were ok. And to let you know Christian is on his way here. I left maybe twenty minutes before he did. I just wanted to see you were ok and to let you know that if you didn't want to see him, I'll take you anywhere you want to go."

"She had someone here to take her where she wants. And I'm not paid to do it. I'm actually her friend. Your hired help."

I could tell that Ethan was getting pissed. He does this thing where he rubs his palms over his pant legs. It was like he was warming up his hands for a fight. I had seen him fight once, and it was nothing short of scary. He turns into a man possessed. He totally focuses on destroying his opponent and at the moment, I was sure that Sawyer could keep up.

"Why would you tell him where I am? As if you haven't done enough, now you lead him right to me? Can I not just have a few fucking days to myself or is everything Christian says bible?"

"Look, I feel bad already ok. I should have said something, and I didn't. You are my friend and I don't want to upset or hurt you. But you have to think about how hard it was for me too. I couldn't say shit or I would get fired and then I wouldn't be able to do anything about it all."

"How hard it was for you? Just tell me how hard it was for you? You aren't going through what I am, ok. This is not about you or Christian or whoever the hell this other woman is. Its about me and how the all the people around me lied to my face on a daily. Its about you not saying one thing or even giving me a hint about what was going on. Its about all those times you saw how hard it was for me to be alone, and worrying about your job than being a decent person to me."

"Why are you here man? Its obvious she does not want you or your boss here. What is it? Christians outta the way, and now you think she will what, come running into your arms? You have a crush on her bro? Is that it?"

I had no understanding about what Ethan was on about, but in a split second, Sawyer was on the other side of the kitchen wrestling with Ethan. You know how you freeze when you something bad coming, but for some reason every muscle in your body refuses to work or has a momentary lapse in anything. Well that was what happened. I saw blow after blow, but like the fool I was I didn't move, I couldn't move. Its was like the link between my head and the rest of my body wasn't there. It was horrible. It was only after a vase smashed and the Christian round the corner, did I snap out of it. There he was beautiful and powerful, but it didn't have the same effect on me that it usually would have. It didn't feel like there was electricity was running through my veins or like my breath had been taken away. It was like seeing an enemy; a beautiful enemy, but an enemy all the same. He was wearing black jeans, white wife beater singlet and leather jacket. Frowning, I found myself subconsciously raking over him. I was checking him, looking for any obvious signs of stress. I knew that I should not care, nor does he deserve my concern, but I could not help myself. Even though I had only said I loved him aloud once, I knew I still loved him. He didn't look any different to how he normally would. I was hoping to see something, anything at all. I had missed a bunch of calls from him the night before, so I felt silly for not thinking he wouldn't even call. But truth is that was it. It was easy to call; easy to pretend to care when you didn't actually have to do anything but pick up the phone. Christian was in-between them in a second, pulling them apart and telling Sawyer to wait by the car. Ethan had a small stream of blood from the corner of his mouth. I didn't even to bother to look at Sawyer before he turned and went out the door. I felt bad, for a split second.

"Are you ok? You seem to have some blood there."

"Yeah I'm ok. Now what the fuck are you two doing here? Bad enough him, and now you. Can't take a fucking hint I see."

I could see the first hint of something. They way that Christian's jaw slightly tensed as if he was closing his mouth so hard that words he knew I didn't care for came flying out.

"I'm here to see Ana."

Before Ethan could say anything and go another round, this time with Christian, I walked over and pulled Christian through the house to the front door. There was that same warmth that I had grown to need. It was heavenly. And like the addict I was, I convinced myself that this would be the last hit of him that I would need. Just one more time. But if I actually stuck to my convictions was a whole different story. He had hurt me, badly, but I wasn't sure that those sweet words he whispered wouldn't have the same effect that they always did. Stronger me, told me there was no way that I would fall so easily, but realistic me knows its already happened once before. As I pulled him through the front door and closed it behind us, was it then that I finally realised what I had gotten myself into. It was just me and him and stupid me didn't think before acting.

"What do you want Christian?"

"I needed to speak to you."

"OK. Well, talk."

"I don't know how to start Ana. This has never happened to me before. It's like us all over again. I was scared and guarded when we first started, and now I'm having all those feelings again. I hate it."

"I'm sorry, did you just try and tell me that this is happening to you? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I know. I know. I just don't know how to start telling you something that I hope won't be the end of us."

"Who is she Christian?"

"Her name is Sienna. She works at..."

"I fucken know where she works Christian. How long?"

"On and off for about five weeks."

 _Don't let him see you cry Ana. Don't let him see how much this is breaking you_

"Is she a sub?"

"No."

"Do you love her?"

"No. I can't love. I don't know how ok. Look, I know you finding out this way was never how I wanted things to turn out. I was going to tell you but every time I was about to, something stopped me. I couldn't hurt you like that."

"I doubt that you care about how I feel about things. You wouldn't have done this, if in fact you actually gave a shit about anyone else's feelings. Have you fucked her yet? I can't imagine waiting that long to get off."

"Ana, i don't want to loose you. I love having you around and I love seeing you everyday. I love everything about you. This happened so fast that I didn't know what was happening until it was too late."

"You didn't answer the fucken question. How long have the two of you been fucking?"

"About three weeks."

"Does she know about me?"

"How could she not. You're with me all the time and in papers. Jose's art show sorta let the world know that we are together. Its not like there was much left to know."

"What? Is this what this is about? You wanted to take me, you wanted to take that fucking photo and every photo since. This has nothing to do with me. So your telling me you did this because you wanted to show the world your still the bachelor you always wanted to be?"

"NO. It has nothing to do with that and you know it."

"Well you what is this about? How could you do this to me?"

I was getting angrier and angrier by the second. I was nearly screaming at him, and his calm and somewhat monotone, was getting me more furious.

"Ana. I do not want to loose you. I cant think straight. I need you so much."

"And this thing with her, are you ending it?"

Silence.

"Christian! What about this other girl? Your done with her right?

Silence.

"CHRISTIAN?!"

"NO! I cant leave her either. I need her too."

"Wow."

There was a moment of silence. It wasn't bad enough that he was screwing around, he wanted me to stand by him and be there for him while he did it. A part of me wished that if he had left her, that there would be some way that we could find our way back to each other. But never did I think he would want to refuse to leave her. I thought he would tell me this was a mistake and that he would do anything to get me back. It never once crossed my mind that he would not want to stop things with her. I couldn't comprehend what he was saying. But that was so like him. He wanted the whole world in his hands and all his puppets jumping to his every wish. I wasn't going to be that sad girl i was. I had nearly fallen apart when I left the first time. I thought there was nothing left to give, nothing left to know about him. He had told me his big bad secret and I had accepted it but this was something I couldn't be apart of. I could not share. Then like a lighting bolt, a thought came to me.

"This isn't going to work Christian. I wont be the side chick or even someone who waits patiently at home while you go fucking most of Seattle's most fuckable. I can't do this."

"Ana we can work this out. I know that this is new, and at first I thought what I was doing was wrong on so many levels. But I think this is best for us. I cant bear to hurt you and see you cry, and Sienna can be that part of our life. I loving having sex with you, but there is always a deeper need for something more for me. I don't want you to leave, but I cant hold off on my desires any longer. I can not loose you."

"Its done Christian. I don't want this. I need a person who loves me for me, and doesn't want me to change. I need someone who loves everything about me and would hate the thought of ever hurting me, the way you did. I can't stand you at the moment. You lied to me and made me the fool, waiting for you while everyone around me knew who you were doing. I'm humiliated and embarrassed and more than that I should have known. All this time I thought you were choosing me, and our life together but you were fucking her. And good for you. Just don't come back crawling when you realise that she would never love you the way I loved you. And in the mean time, I will be doing my own fucking."

He had his arms around me and his body pressed close to me in a split second, consuming my mouth. At first I fought him, but as he tried harder and harder I gave in, giving into him and kiss searing kiss.

"You. Are. Mine."

"Not anymore."

With one last look, I closed the door on not only Christian, but every hurt he had done to me. Later that I night, I ended up having Ethan drive me back to my unit. I knew it wasn't a smart thing, but I didn't feel as though running away from my problems would make me feel any better about this whole situation. I wanted my life to go back to normal; the normal that I had known before getting with Christian. Ethan had told me that he would stay with me Friday and through the weekend, and then we would both try to go work. I didn't want to take time off, but i couldn't be around Christian anymore. I decided that with the help of Ethan, I would go and get all my clothes and belongings from Escala, and move it back into my place. Its so strange, that the place that I actually lived at felt sterile, like I didn't even belong there anymore. It looked the same and even smelt the same, but it felt so different.

"So, what are going to do for the rest of the day? Are we just gonna hang around here or are we gonna do something? It is a Friday night after all."

And that was all that it took. We went out dancing. Of course Christian had called a bunch of times, and showed up Ethan's parents house, for a second time and even came to my apartment once. He even tried to say that Sawyer would stay with me for as long as he wanted him there. I all out cried and told him that I would call the police if he didn't call off the goon squad. I knew he wouldn't like me being out with Ethan. Hell, I didn't care. Four tequila shots and a beer and I was buzzing. I never understood why people drink to drown their sorrows, but now I was literally drowning. I couldn't feel a thing. All I could feel was the bass in my feet and the Ethan's hand. He never once left my side or tried to get with girls that were obviously trying to give him the seductive eye. He was just happy to see me not worrying about Christian. I could not imagine what I would have been like if he wasn't here. I would probably be at home, knee deep in ice cream right now. But because of him, I was enjoying myself for whatever little time I had. There had been some people that I knew from work here, and some people I had met through Christian. But Ethan and I stayed in our own little bubble; we were laughing and dancing and shouting to songs about the beach.

"Ana!"

I turned around to see Taylor. This had been the first time I had seen him, since yesterdays events. I didn't hate him, just like I didn't hate Christian but I couldn't help but feel anger. He too had known about the whole thing, and had not said one word to me, at all. There was no hint or even a warning to what I would be walking into. And for that I was furious. I was seeing red and maybe it was the alcohol that was making me brave, but I could not stop the spew of words flowing from my mouth.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the devils right hand sand. I mean sand hand man."

"I think its best that you come with me."

"Why? So that you can fly too this fate? I haven't had enough bare to hassle that."

Ethan was glaring at him, but I knew because of the smile plastered on my face kept whatever action he would do in check. I was having to much fun, and two fights in one day was enough for me.

"No I would like to talk to you. To both of you actually."

With a bow, I over dramatically motion for him to lead the way. He grabbed hold of my hand and tried to pull me to one side of the dance floor, but for some reason I didn't want to go that way. Maybe it was because I saw a bunch of girls making out with a bunch of guys, or maybe it was just because I was being difficult. But for some reason I went in the opposite way to what he was leading me. As we walked, I decided that I needed water and went towards the darker and quieter portion of the bar. Even though the dancefloor was crowded and the bar was packed and playing loud music, there was a certain calm in this section of the club. Taylor and Ethan wasn't following me because I was able to get through the throng of grinding bodies pretty easily and quickly, but as I rounded the corner a wave of vertigo hit me and I ended up sitting in a booth that had purple velvet seats and black cushions. Everything was so soft and I ended up laying down. I didn't know how long I had been asleep, but I awoke to a handsome stranger shaking me awake. It took me a little while to focus, but there this man was with a warm smile. His hair was short black, his eyes were caramel brown and his hands had the softest touch.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah I think I am. I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?"

"Closing time. We have been closed for about twenty minutes. I was just checking the booths when I found you. Good thing I did. You would have been locked in here till four tomorrow. Whats your name?"

"Its Ana. I should be going. My friend would be worrying crazy about me."

"Ana? As in Ana Steele?"

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"Because there was a bunch of rich looking guys looking for you a while back. No one thought to look here. Hardly anyone comes to this part of the club."

"Oh shit. Do you have a phone? I left mine back at my place."

"Sure. I could take you home. Better than calling someone to come get you."

"That would be great. I can't be bothered with the last couple of days I have had. I'm sorry I didn't catch your name."

"Sam. Its Sam."


	6. Chapter 6

My head was pounding and my whole body felt light. It was so unlike me to be this person and even though I hated why I ended up in that bar, I was happy that I was finally doing something that I wanted. I didn't know or care where Christian or Taylor was, but I knew it would only be a matter of time before they popped up at some inappropriate moment and ruin the fun. As I waited in the alley behind the bar, with this stranger Sam locking up these big brass gates, I noticed that the sky was turning a shade of pink, which meant the sun was coming up and it was the start of a new day. Was I going to be the same person I was yesterday or was I going to be the person that I could be proud of? I had changed so much about myself in the short time that I knew Christian, that I didn't even recognize myself anymore. I was this girl, who would do or be anything for the sake of a one sided relationship. I had seen my mother do it so many times, and always talked about how I could never be like her and love so easily like she did. But here I am doing and being the same. It was like all the things I wanted didn't matter or mattered less, when I was around Christian. I was quieter, smaller. I was less me and more him and I didn't even notice it. The whole time I was thinking I was falling in love with a man who worshiped the ground that I walked on, but little did I know he was doing everything in his power to keep the truth from me. He was falling for someone else, while I was only thinking about him and everything he needed me to be. I had always thought this was too good to be true and that there would always be something in him that made him go to the dark side, but I honestly thought I was changing him. I guess that I was wrong.

"So where are we going? I just moved here so I'm still not good with getting to places."

I was so caught up in my thoughts about my horrible love life and daydreaming at the sky, that I completely forgot about Sam. He was standing there in his black jacket and ripped jeans, with such a confused look on his face. To him I probably looked like I had mental problems or was high on something. He however was nice enough to hand me a bottle of water from his backpack. He had tattoos on his neck and hands and smelt like musk. He was the completely different from Christian.

"You just moved here? Where from?"

" My brother lives here. I moved here from Australia about a month ago."  
As we walked to the car lot, I noticed that he was wearing necklace with two bright gold rings on it. They were large, but delicate and had intricate swirling patterns on it. It was hard to miss them.

"Why did you move to rainy Seattle? I hear it beautiful in Australia, although I have never actually been."

"My brother needed me, so I came. Do you wanna tell me where we are going?  
"Oh just Pike street. It's the one with all the cafes and markets on it. Its about 20 mins from here."

As we got into the car and started down the road, I noticed the black car on the opposite side of the street. I knew who it was and I knew soon enough Christian would have all his goons looking for me again and what is worse, I will turn up to my apartment he probably would be there too. Luckily enough, they didn't notice me or the car, and for a moment I had time. I didn't realize that I had fallen asleep until Sam was shaking me awake. We were at the start of my street, but was still a little while of from my apartment. He had parked on the side of the street and was waiting for me to tell him where to go.

"I can actually walk from here. Its not that far off from here."

"You sure? I don't mind driving the extra."

"Yeah, its ok. You have already done so much for me."

"Its ok. I wouldn't want you to have had to walk the whole way home, while still being a little drunk. I would feel so bad if something ever happened to you. Give me your hand."

Not sure about where this was going, I gave him my hand. He began to write a bunch of numbers down, and I could only imagine that it would be his number and even though I wasn't ready for anything, it was a little comforting to know that this might be the start of a new friendship./p

"When your sober and not falling asleep everywhere, we should catch up. I don't know many people here and I'm hoping I could get to know you."

"I would like that. I will text you when I get my phone. Thank you for all your help."

It wasn't until his black hatchback was down the street did I start walking the couple minutes of my apartment. When I reached the apartment, I was greeted by Ethan. I could tell that he was angry. He gets this look when gets angry at me. Its this concerned look that looks like there is bubbling below the surface. I had hardly ever seen this look. I knew he would have been up all night looking for me and worrying about where I was or if I was still alive. I felt bad that I had done that to him. As I wrapped my arms around his neck, and pulled him close to me, I hoped that we would still be ok; that he wasn't too mad at me.

"I'm sorry I made you worry."

As I whispered those words in his ear, I felt him relax. And as I felt him wrap his arms around me, I knew that I was totally forgiven. It was like that with us; everything was a simple as apologize and move on. There was no punishments or hurt or pain or anything. He was my friend and he only wanted the best for me. I didn't have to be anyone else or pretend or silently change everything about myself. Why couldn't I just love someone like Ethan?

"I was so worried about you. At first I thought that he had come and snatched you up, but when he came here looking for you, I knew something was wrong. Where were you?"

"I was still at the bar. There is this little booth section towards the back. I went there and sat down for a little while and next thing I knew I was being woken up by the bartender saying it was closing time. Long story short, he drove me home and here I am. I don't care about how Christian feels, but I am sorry that I made you worry."

"Well, about Christian. He is here, in your room. I tried to get him to leave. But because we couldn't find you and you didn't have your phone on you, he thought the most reasonable place that you would go to is here. I'm sure he will want to speak to you but if you don't want to deal with it now, we can go back to my parents place or rent a room or something. Just tell me what you want to do.

"Why should I leave? I didn't do anything wrong and I'm tired of running and this is my place. I shouldn't have to leave. I have to set this straight now. I just want to move on with my life and be done with him.

"Okay. Ill be in Kate's room. Just call me if you need me ok. Some of us have been up all night."

I didn't know what I would say to Christian when I opened that door. A part of me wanted to crawl into bed with him, hold him and pretend like this was all just a silly dream. I wanted to pretend that this wasn't happening to me, like I was caught in some sort of prank and that at any moment, the joke would be up and I could go back to loving him and him loving me. But then I think about just how much he hurt me and how I could have never done what he did to me and I get so angry and hurt and lost. I couldn't imagine not thinking about him and feeling so guilty while I was betraying every promise I made to him. But the whole time he didn't once think about me. And to make matters worse he wants her. He wants her to be apart of our life. He wants me to share him with her and be this little woman at home and I am not that type of person. I have changed so much about me in this short amount of time, and I don't want to continue that. I need to start being someone who isn't a door mat.

As I opened the door I noticed he was still sleeping. He had my pillow buried into his face and he had a frown on that perfect face of his. This is how I wanted to remember him, as this sleeping god with so much on his mind and not the cheating, lying person he really is. I was so tired and all I wanted to do was change and go to bed. So as quietly as possible, I changed out of my dress and into a shorts and a singlet. I was just about to grab some extra pillows and go to the lounge room or Kate's room when he woke up startled.

"ANA! Is that you?"

"Who the hell else would it be Christian? You are sleeping in my room after all."

He was up and holding me in a second. And all the while he smelt the same and felt the same and it almost was the same, but it wasn't the same. I couldn't bring myself to hold him back, or melt into him the same way I would when he used to hold me this way. I couldn't allow myself to feel anything but a chill as he kissed my neck and held my arms. And when he tried to kiss me, it made me feel physically sick. It was like this involuntary coldness went that punched me in the stomach, that me almost shove him away.

" Ana? Please."

" Ana what? What do you want Christian? What are you even doing here?"

"I want you. I want you home, with me."

"Bullshit Christian. You didn't want me! If you did you would have been home months ago. But you were out fucking that bitch while I was at home, waiting for you!"

"I know. I'm sorry. I want to make it up to you. I want you to understand that it had nothing to do with you and that this has everything to do with me. I don't want to lose you. But I honestly never thought that it would hurt you so much."

"Are you kidding me? You cannot be that backward that you think that way. Really?"

"I didn't think that this would ever happen. I didn't know how it got this bad. I don't want to lose you ever."

"There is something seriously wrong with you. How would you feel if I was fucking someone else? Huh?"

"Ana. Don't."

"No Christian you don't. How would you feel if I told you that last night I let Sam fuck me in the front seat of his car?"

That got his attention. And he was furious. And I didn't care not one little bit. In a second he had me pinned to the wall. He had his hands wrapped so tightly around wrists that it felt like he was trying to break them. But I didn't back down, not this time, not ever again./p

"Tell me your lying Ana."

"No. See your not the only one who can get a little on the side."

"Tell me he didn't touch you."

"What, you don't like the thought of his soft hands all over me?"

"Please Ana. Tell me he didn't touch you!"

"Maybe he did and maybe he didn't. But its not your business, not anymore."

That's when he started actually hurting me. His hands were squeezing my wrists so hard, it almost felt like they were splintering under his weight. I tried to get away only to have him step closer to me. It was the first time that I was actually scared of him. But I didn't want to let him see it, no matter how much it was hurting now.

"Let go of me."

"Tell me your fucking lying."

"Christian, let go of me."

"Ana, you better be fucking lying. I swear…"

"LET GO OF ME NOW!"

All I heard was the door flinging open. At first I thought Ethan was there, but in a split second of thought I knew it couldn't be because Ethan slept like the dead. It was Sawyer. Christian didn't take eyes off me for a second and his grip didn't loosen. I knew there would bruises, but ill deal with them later. Sawyer was looking at me with a strange look on his face, but in a second it was gone a Christian was in his hold.

"Sir, let her go. Your hurting her."/p

And like a flick of a switch he was back and dropped my wrists like they were searing hot. I could already feel the lumps of bruises coming, but for some reason I didn't want to show them to him. I immediately hid my wrists behind my back. A little part of me had felt bad for how far a pushed him and I didn't want him to see the damage until he was in control of his emotions. I didn't hate him enough to shove what he had done into his face, but I didn't love me so low that I would let this go.

"Sir, lets go."

He didn't say a thing as he turned around and left. My body was on auto pilot when I went to the bed and sat down. And looking down at my wrists and seeing his hand prints etched into my flesh, made something crack in me. Is this the person he really is? Is the person I knew and shared a bed with a total stranger to me now? Was what we had together a lie? Does he treat her this way? Or does she just get the "more" part that I wanted all along. I didn't realize I was crying until Sawyer handed me a tissue.

"I'm sorry Ana."

"Are you? I thought we were friends. I thought that we were at least honest with each other Sawyer. I thought that no matter what Christian said, you and I were friends."

" We are Ana."

" No, we aren't. I'm just his puppet and your just his help. Did he tell you not to say anything to me?"

" No Ana, we are friends."

" Did he tell you not to tell me?"

" No."

" So you were just being more of a friend to him more than you ever were to me. "

" Ana, please don't say that."

" You know the whole time, I was thinking it was me, that I was the problem. That there had to be something wrong with me and that I was either crazy or paranoid. And the whole time you saw it. You saw me fighting every second of everyday. You saw I allowed every precaution he wanted, did everything he wanted. But you said nothing. You didn't even hint. You never even give me a chance. You were just worried about your job. Taylor and Gail and all the others I could understand, but you. You of all of them, were the only person who knew. I spoke to you about him. I asked you day after day if he was ok and if you knew about the struggles of his work and if there was anything I could do, and the whole time you lied to me. You lied and told me nothing or made up some bullshit story that he fed to you. And in the end, all of you will go on with your millionaire lives and ill be here, broken."

"Ana, please. I never meant…"

" Just go. He's probably got some other helpless clueless girl for you to torture."

"It wasn't until I felt him lean down and hold my hand and kiss my bruises did I look up at him. He looked so sad, but I didn't care. I had enough sadness of my own without carrying his. With a nod of his head, he turned and was gone. And I was left to sort out the horrible darkness and manage through his heartbreak alone.

TWO WEEK LATER

*CHRISTIAN POV *

It had been two weeks since I had hardly heard from Ana and every second seemed to feel like an eternity. I knew I fucked up bad but I didn't think for a second that she would actually leave me and not ever want to come back. Though I couldn't blame her. I acted like what we had didn't mean anything all, when in truth it meant the world to me. I had told myself over and over that this would work because Ana would be happy with our vanilla sex life and Sienna would be all the things that I couldn't bear to make Ana be. It wasn't until it was too late that I began to see the problems in that scenario. I had no idea that I would fall for her the same way that I did for Ana. I never thought in a million years that it would be anything but sex, but then I began making excuses to see her and be around her and away from Ana, and by then it was already too late. She was everything that I had seen in Ana. She is funny and bubbly and witty and more than that she made me laugh.I have no one to blame for this situation than myself, but a little part of me blames Ana. She taught me to allow all these feelings into my heart and mind and before her I would have fucked Sienna and moved the hell on. But here I am now, awake at night thinking about where the hell I went wrong. I knew that I was wrong in being with Sienna, but I couldn't say no. She had been understanding and caring when Ana had left me and even offered to speak to her on my behalf. I had thought about it for the slightest minutes than decided against it. If this was ever going to work out it would have to come from me and not the other woman. I had to do this delicately and ease her into it or she will for sure cut me out of her life. The only communication that had from Ana at all was through email and even then they were short and to the point. They lacked the love and heart that they once had. I had given her the time and the space that she had wanted, but it was killing me everyday. I had still been seeing Sienna but I missed Ana. Sienna understood why she had left but had stated to me that she would only leave if I told her to and at this point I could not bring myself to make that choice.

"Sir?"

Taylor over the last couple of weeks too it seemed, had missed Ana. He had become extra formal and distant. I knew he had a liking to Ana but I had no idea that the staff had become so accustomed to having her here. Sawyer had refused to be anything but an long distant guard and was now on outer patrol. I couldn't care less if I offended him. He is just lucky he still had a job. If I thought for a second Ana wouldn't turn up here and rip me a new one for firing him, he would be gone yesterday. And now here he is standing at the door with the shittest look on his face.

"What is it Sawyer?"

"Sienna is here."

"Send her in."

"And where would like me to put all the luggage?"

"Luggage?"

I was up and out of my seat in a instant. If this was what I thought it was this could be getting a lot stickier than I ever thought it would be. As I came down the stairs there she was. All in white and beautiful. Her brown hair was flowing around her face and she was wearing a modest white summer dress. She wasn't the type of woman who had to compete with other girls. The only person as beautiful as her was Ana.

"Whats going on here, Sienna?"

" I have given you enough time to sit around and mourn your relationship. Two weeks Christian. And now I am here and I am moving in. She inst coming back and its about time that you give me and you a real shot."

" Sienna, I don't know what the hell you are thinking but you cannot live here. This is and always will be Ana's home and this cannot happen."

" She hasn't spoken to you in nearly three weeks. She doesn't want to come back and make this a home. You need to move on and start living in the now. I know we went about it in the wrong way but this is how things have ended up and there is no going back now. She knows about us and instead of fighting for you, she has abandoned you. I told you I would give you the space and time you need and now you need to focus on us."

" No Sienna. This cannot happen."

"Sir?"

"WHAT TAYLOR?"

"Ms. Steele is in the lobby.'

FUCK.

*ANA POV*

I had no idea why I was here. My life was moving along at a nice pace. I had got all my things from Christians house and had kept him at bay. I don't think he is still seeing the other woman but for all I know he very well could be. I had started at a new job at Seattle Independent Press and I was loving it. I was supposed to start earlier in the year, but Christian had suggested I waited and with us just getting back together after our last falling out, I chose to listen to him. I felt like an idiot about it now. There were lovely people there and my boss was decent and nice enough. I has seen Sam a bunch of times, and even though I wasn't ready to move on with him, there could be something there. The only thing keeping me back in the past was Christian. We had spoken about what had happen but I had never given him the chance to fully tell me what happened. I have no idea who she is or where shes from or how it all started or why really. I think its the only thing that is really holding me back. If I was honest with myself, I was giving him time to miss me and see how life was without me. A little peice of me hoped that when i turned up, that maybe he would want me more than her. But I had prepared myself, that if it wasn't her, there would be for sure someone else. He was a sexual person and I doubt that he could go a full two weeks without anything.

I was wearing a long black figure hugging strapless dress. I had died my hair a darker brown that it almost looked black. I had taken time with my smokey eye and red lips. I wanted to look confident and had even started going to the gym twice a week with either Ethan or Sam. I was taking care of myself these days and even though it was not for Christian in anyway, I still hopped he would notice the subtle changes in me.

"Ana?"

"Hello Sawyer"

"What are you doing here?"

"Wow, that's the welcome I was looking for."

"You know its not like that. I just never thought I would see you again. I mean after... I just thought you would never come back to this place."

"Well I have some business to attend to. What are you doing down here anyways?"

"I work the front door now. I asked for it."

"Why?"

"I just didn't want to be on the same floor as him on a daily and know what we both did to you."

"You didn't have to do that. Its not like I mean anything to either of you anyways."

"You know that's not true. I have missed you. Here let me get that elevator for you."

We both rode the elevator up in silence. I must admit I did feel a bit guilty, for giving it to Sawyer the way that I did. He didn't do this to me. Christian did. And to be honest, Im not entirely sure what I would have done if I was in the same sort of situation. Just as we made it to our floor, I turned to him and smiled.

"I have missed you too Sawyer. Your next day off lets grab a coffee and catch up. That's if your boss lets you out with riff raff like me."

" I would love that Ana, although I couldn't give a fuck what the boss says."

It was then that I promised myself to forgive Sawyer. And I would and hopefully things would get better from here on out. The first face to greet me was a stern Taylor. I had not seen or spoken to him since that night at the bar and that was fine with me. I didn't care if I never spoke to him again. He would have known, the whole time, he would have known. He was, after all the devils right hand man.

"Now is not a good time Miss Steele."

"I'm here to see him Taylor. You owe me at least this."

I could not keep the acid out of my voice as I pushed past him. I almost wished I had listened to him.


	7. Chapter 7

*CHRISTIAN POV*

It was like living in a nightmare, like somehow the very worst possible outcome that could have ever happened decided to come true. I had been arguing with Sienna about why she thought it was appropriate to move in, when Ana come in. Luckily for me Sienna had decided to go upstairs and unpack. She apparently had made the decision for me. It was something we would have to talk about later, not when Ana was around. Ana was so beautiful. She was glowing and looked like there was not a single thing in the world that could make her doubt herself. She was in a tight black dress that made her tits and body amazing. It was obvious that she had been working out and for a second I forgot about everyone else in the room. She was like a beacon to me, calling to me with her charms. I could almost feel her around me and soon enough I could smell her. She was the same as always, alluring and intoxicating as hell.

"Ana?"

"Christian, I know I didn't call ahead. And I don't even know why I'm here."

"No, you don't have to call. You are welcome here anytime. Why don't we talk in my study?"

"Ah sure."

I needed a plan. She was here and willing to talk to me and all the while Sienna was upstairs possibly ruining any chance I have at making things right with Ana. I had no idea why she was here, but I didn't care. This was the fist time I had seen her in weeks and I was not going to let this opportunity go by. I just had to keep them separate until I figure how to work through this.

"I have missed you Ana."

She had followed me into the study and I had managed to close the door without her seeing. She went and sat in an arm chair in the far corner and began to look at me. And that's when I finally got to look at her face closely. You could tell she had lost weight. Her eyes were slightly bigger than they were before and her hair was darker than it had been when I had seen her last. Her arms looked leaner and when she crossed her legs, the slit in her dress allowed me to see her glowing toned legs, that looked even longer thanks to the stilettos that were on her feet. She had obviously taken time to get ready to see me, and the thought of that made me smile.

"I had no idea that you were coming. We haven't spoken in such a long time. You have no idea how badly I have wanted to talk to you."

"I'm not here to sort things out. I'm here to figure out what happened with us. I want to move on with my life and I cannot do that and I cannot move forward if I don't know what happened."

"Ana, I want to talk to you about everything. But I don't want to say anything that is going to make you leave. I want to know that if I finally lay everything out on the table and be 100% honest with you, that you will at least try with me. I want a chance to win you back and to be the person that you deserve."

"Christian, I don't know. Its been so hard for me and I don't think that I could go through that all again."

"Just please hear me out. I want to be honest and open with you. I want us to try and be what we could have been. I know you don't trust me, but please, if you ever felt anything for me ever, you will give me this chance. Please."

"Okay Christian. But you better start talking."

"Where do you want me to start?"

"How about why?"

"I don't know. Honestly. It's probably not the answer that you were looking for and I am trying my hardest not to lie or deceive you in anyway, but honestly at first I don't know why I did what I did."

"That's a bullshit answer and you know it."

"I know. At first I thought it was because I was selfish and that I couldn't be the good person you needed me to be. I hated that you were this pure and innocent person and all I could think about was having my devilish way with you. I hated looking in the mirror and seeing a man that I know you couldn't understand or want. I hated feeling like I was wrong for you in every way possible. I didn't know how to talk to you about it or even straighten out the way I was thinking. There was nothing about you that I didn't want or need but I couldn't tell you."

"So you thought, hey lets fuck someone else?"

"No. It just happened. I know that it seems like a bullshit excuse but it did. I didn't go out looking to be with someone else. And in the beginning, I hated myself more and more everyday for feeling like I needed someone else. I still feel like shit for it."

"You should feel shit about it Christian. If you were that unhappy with me, you could of, at anytime, told me how you felt. But you chose to lead me on and make me believe that you actually cared about me."

" I did care and I still do. I just didn't know how to talk to you about how I felt. I didn't want you to think that I was going back to old ways and I was so very scared of losing you. I thought that if I even came to you with this problem you would run."

"Do not blame this on me. I have tried and tried. I stopped complaining and tried to be the person you needed. I was at home the whole time waiting for you. You didn't want me to be around other males, so that meant I stopped going to clubs and even put off starting at SIP until you were ready. So this has nothing to do with me and all to do with you. I never lied to you!"

"You didn't? You never lied to me? How about all those times you lied to me about trying again? I wanted to try and mash our lives together and all that happened was me ending up feeling like I was worthless!"

"How the hell did I lie?"

"You promised you would never leave me again and yet here we are!"

"That's really fresh coming from someone who has been sticking himself in anyone that can walk!"

"I've slept with one other person Ana!"

"That makes it so much better! Your sitting here trying to make me feel sorry for YOU! You were out fucking some stupid whore and I was at home waiting for you the entire time!"

"She is not some whore Ana!"

"You are really unbelievable! I'm supposed to be your girlfriend! You made promises to me! Your supposed to fight for me and love me but all you care..."

"REALLY? YOU ARE? Cause I haven't seen you or heard from you! You completely cut me out of your life and I didn't even have the fucking chance to try and make it better or explain myself! You left and moved out and now your saying your my girlfriend?"

I couldn't stop it before it came flying out of my mouth! It was like all the tension that was bubbling under the surface for so long was now right at breaking point and true to form, Ana is the only person in the world that can get this type of emotion out of me. I knew as soon as the words left my mouth that I didn't mean it.

"Wow Christian. You are right. I should feel sorry for you. I should feel so bad that you had to go through all this pain that you caused. I am sorry that you got found out and that your little tryst is ruined and I am so sorry that I made you choose. I am so sorry that I disrupted your perfect little world and brought you back to reality."

She was crying now. There were small tears streaming down her face and she looked completely broken. I knew that I was the one that did that, but I didn't know how to proceed. Would she allow me to hold her and comfort her? Or would she push me away again? Would she let me make yet another wrong right? I don't think that I could take anymore of her pushing me away. All I wanted to do was have her in my arms, but there was this blackness around us, that I created. I was to blame, but she was too. She didn't let me make things better or even try to make amends. I had betrayed her trust and lost any right to her, but I wanted to try and go back to what we were.

"I didn't mean that Ana. You know I didn't mean that."

"Its like your trying to hurt me as much as you can. Its like your not satisfied with hurting me once, you have to do it over and over. Why, Christian? Is this another thing you like doing? Making me fall in love with you and then you doing everything in your power to crush everything about me?"

"You don't love me Ana."

"What?"

"You only ever said you loved me once. And then after that it was like I didn't mean anything to you. I would be working and come home to you asleep or not even there. I would try to have sex with you and you wouldn't have a bar of it. That's not how things are supposed to be a year into a relationship."

"And you know this because of all your real relationships you have had, right Christian? Before me, you didn't have anything other than women under contract. Before me you were nothing but a rich, lonely man. I was the one who showed you how it should be. And then you repay me and give what I worked hard for to another person."

"I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to hurt you."

"Really? Are you sure? Because I came here expecting you to at least act like you missed me."

"I DO MISS YOU! I miss you everyday! I have wanted nothing but you to be here and for us to move forward. But you kept me away. You left and froze me out. The first couple days you were gone, I called you non stop. But you never called back or even answered. I gave you your space and time, but you didn't want anything to do with me!"

"Because I have no idea why you would do this to me, to us!"

"Sienna was unexpected. There is something about her that I can't explain. Its like a calling. I knew I was hurting and lying to you and being a fucking prick to you but I could not stop. I knew that should have stopped or told you or done something more than what I was doing, but I just didn't. I tried to tell you so many times, but every time I went to, I just could not bring myself to do it."

"So when did you start sleeping with her?"

"We first slept together about a month after meeting. And we were together for a little over a month."

"And Sawyer knew for 3 weeks."

"Yes."

"And you didn't want me to find out."

"Not until I knew what do to do."

"And what do you want now?"

"I want you. I want our life together. I missed you so much."

"OK."

*ANA POV*

You know that girl, that sits at the bar next to her douche bag boyfriend, who is paying zero attention to her. The one that could and should do so much better but has convinced herself that he never means the horrible things he says and does to her. She's the one that everyone thinks has it all together, but really is holding on by a thin string. She's the one that takes him back time and time again, all in the name of undying love. That's the girl is was at the moment. My head was screaming don't be that idiot and that he doesn't love you at all. In my mind, I knew I was accepting a shit and that I was by default agreeing to being a walking doormat, but my heart was in control. The way he was looking at me, the way he smelt and the way I could not keep my eyes of him was clouding my judgement. My love and obsession with him seemed to be fueling my actions and I didn't care. It was obvious to me at least that he was going crazy without me. He had hurt me, and I still bore the

"Please don't hurt me again. I couldn't take it. I wouldn't make it through. Third time and I'm gone for good and I meant it Christian."

"I don't want to ever hurt you Ana."

"I can't take the lies anymore. I can forgive this and move forward but you have to be honest with me. Please don't lie to me anymore. I need to be able to trust you. We have to take things slow and I..."

"Ana?"

"What Christian? Please, just talk to me. If you cared about me at all you will not lie to me. No matter what, you will be honest with me. I need this from you. And I need you to not see her anymore."

"Ana, I want to tell you.."

Just then the door to the study opened. At first I thought that it was Taylor or even Sawyer needing to tell Christian about something, when I saw her. She could be me. She was wearing a pearly white flowing dress, with gold embroidered straps. She had big chunky golden bangles and small hooped earrings. I could smell her perfume of roses from across the room and in all my life, I had never felt so small. I felt like a child as she looked at me. She was appraising me, as if I was some small trinket that landed on her desk. She was everything nightmare that I ever had about Christian and I come to life. She was every nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me that I would never be enough. She was everything that the own Ana wasn't. She had confidence and grace and looked like she never ever had self doubt. I could instantly piece the puzzle together. She wouldn't be the shy, lowly girl that I was. She was something that Christian could see as his equal. He probably was showing her, not only the brightest parts of his life, but also the kinky, compulsive dark side; which left nothing left for me. He didn't need to explain, or beg or plead. This is the real reason he hadn't come after me or even felt the pull, that I was so badly fighting against. He had been seeing her even after I had found out. I didn't need him to say anything to know that we were really done. He was moving on with his life and I needed to do the same thing. I can't even remember running out to the elevator. I could hear Christian calling for me, but it was like it was coming from underwater. It was all muffled and soundless. It was Sawyer that I saw next and with one look he ushered me into the black car I knew was Christians.

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't think there is a place in this town that he doesn't know about. My whole life has changed to be so wrapped up in him. This whole time I thought he would be waiting for me and thinking of ways to get me back. And then she's there, and its more than what I could have ever thought would happen. I never thought he would actually move on."

"I am sorry that this is happening to you."

Somehow, we ended up parked near the water. There was a small park with children playing and their parents watching in awe and their lives were moving the same as always. Could they not feel or see that the world was falling around them? Could they not smell the fires or hear the screams? Or was it all just in my head. I needed air and as I got out of the car and walked to the waters edge, I finally felt the crack. It felt hot and burning and like the last two weeks of crying myself to sleep were wasted energy. I wanted more and I deserved more; more than him. I couldn't cry anymore because there was nothing left in me to let seep out. I just felt numb.

"I am so sorry Ana."

"Its never been your fault, Luke."

"What are you going to do now?"

"Live. I'm actually going to live. I just want to move forward and put this all behind me. Are you free for dinner?"

"Sure. I know a place."


	8. Chapter 8

***ANA POV***

We ended up at a small Italian bistro, not far from the water. It had little red lanterns dangling from the roof, with small round tables, with vases of daisies and lilac on red and white checkered table cloths. It was a nothing like the places that Christian had taken me to. It wasn't bound with marble and glass and opulence; it was humble and comfortably homely. I could imagine the old me, coming here with a good book and getting lost in garlic bread and words of Austin. The whole place smelt of tomatoes and rosemary, and the old lady that greeted us upon arrival seemed to glow with such warmth, that for a second I forgot how broken I really was. Sawyer seemed to know the place well, and lead us to a little spot in the back, away from the windows. I was glad to not have to worry about looking over my shoulder, and waiting for him to come storming through and demanding things. Although, now I didn't know what to think about how he felt. I didn't even know how to feel. I couldn't imagine him even wanting me at this point, not when he had a better version of me at home.

 _"_ _I used to come here with my parents. This was our favourite restaurant, when I was a kid. I try and come down here at least once a month. Since my father died, its just been my mother and me. She lives not to far from here in a nursing home. She like it here."_

We never spoke about his past or his family life, because there was always some other pressing issue or some dilemma that had to be taken care of. We usually spoke of current things, movies, and books and comedy, but we never got around to the most important things. I hadn't taken an interest in his life, but expected him to go above and beyond for mine. It was then that I felt like I had been as much of a bad friend as he had been. He had lied by omission, and had broken whatever trust I had, but he wasn't the one to actually hurt me. And I needed to stop blaming everyone and start holding Christian accountable for what he broke.

 _"_ _Look Sawyer, I know I have taken a lot of my pain out on you and it was never fair on you. I think I was so focussed on putting my anger somewhere, that it landed solely on you. I know we are friends and this whole thing put you in a bad position, just as much as me. Christian was the one that put us all in this, he did this to us. And I don't want to be this person he has made me into anymore. Can we just move on?"_

As he looked at me, I could see relief. It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders; like he could breath. In a lot of ways he reminded me of Ethan. They could almost be related because of the resemblance. If I was being true with myself, I knew I would be safe with him, in the same way that I would be safe with Ethan. I knew that if there was anything threatening me, that he would try with everything he had to protect me, whether that be from a villain or Christian. Sawyer had this aura, much like Taylors, that made him look invincible, like there would be little that could ever hurt him. But looking at him now, I could see that as much as he tried not to appear, he was soft and he cared a great deal about me and the people he loved. As I reached to hold his hand over the small table, he's hands were cold, strong but cold. And for the first time I thought about the toll it was taking on him. This whole situation is horrible for me, but it still would be bad for him too. He was witness to something terrible and wrong and dishonest, but there was so many other circumstances at work. He had to think about whether or not he would have an income if he opened his mouth and he had to think about wether or not I would even believe him. Plus, the thought of not being able to provide the care his mother needed, would also be weighing on his mind heavily too.

 _"_ _I did want to tell you. Everyday I thought that it would be the day I would say something. But I was a coward and I did think about my job. I didn't want to lose it, because strangely enough, I didn't want to leave you there with him. I didn't want him to break you anymore than he already was. You may think that I didn't notice that you were wasting away, but I did. And it killed me, it still kills me. There was so many nights where I would watch you waiting for him and him never turning up. And I knew the reason. And it made it so hard, not as hard as it was for you, but hard."_

 _"_ _Have you met her?"_

 _"_ _Ana, you're barely talking to me now. I don't want to ruin this while I'm ahead."_

 _"_ _Luke, this has nothing to do with us anymore. There is nothing to forgive and I just want to know everything and start to move on with my life. I have been dwelling on this for nearly three weeks now, and I cannot take another three weeks of feeling this way. We are fine. You and me, there is nothing wrong with us. If anything I hope this brings us closer."_

 _"_ _Ok Ana."_

 _"_ _But I will say this. I don't want to have to find out about anything like this again; the way I did. If you want to be more honest with each other and move forward, thats all I want. Im going to need people around me that don't keep things from me and lie to me, even when they think its for my best interest. I don't want to ever think that your lying to me again. I couldn't make it."_

 _"_ _I promise Ana. I won't ever keep anything from you again."_

"So, have you met her?"

 _"_ _Yes, a couple of times."_

 _"_ _And whats she like?"_

 _"_ _She works at Holts Cafe. From the information that we got, she graduated law school about a year ago, and has had a bunch of temp job in and around Seattle, nothing substantial. She is the only child of Emma and Bill Bulk."_

 _"_ _Bulk? Why does that sound familiar?"_

 _"_ _Bulk, as in Bulk enterprises. They are one of the foremost tech companies in the states. Her parents are as wealthy as Christians."_

That would make sense. I was nothing more than just a fill in. I felt like a toy; something shiny and new and fun to play with. But eventually you grow bored of it and move on. Somewhere within myself I knew this to be true, but somehow having the truth appear in a perfect female form in front of you, is a new type of wake up call. I always had issues within myself that I thought I had worked through, but even though I tried to convince myself that it wasn't there, it was. And some part of me thought that he would be the one to fix me; to heal whatever problems were growing within me. I had thought that he would be the person that I could rely on and believe that through everything and with every obstacle we had, that we felt the same way about each other enough to try and work it out. But I was expecting more from him and nothing of myself. I had to stop thinking that whatever problems I had could be fixed by him. And even though this was a truth that I needed to hear, it still sucked that all this pain was the result of it. I hated that I saw this coming and still allowed it to break me as much as it had. I had always thought that I was a strong person, but sitting in this tiny restaurant with my life in actual tatters, I realised that I needed to be a stronger person and not mould myself into something someone else wanted.

 _"_ _Oh."_

 _"_ _You would have met them along the way. Christian has been in business with the Bulks for over five years, and they appear to have a strong business relationship."_

 _"_ _Yeah, that and then some it appears. I wonder how they would feel about their precious daughter banging the boss? Oh, don't worry Sawyer, I'm not going to go full scorned lover and stalk her."_

He was looking at me like I was about to break and snap into a completely different person. I kept swinging from angry woman, to hurt lover and back again. I hated to see pity in Sawyers eyes as he looked at me, or worse than that, that Christians actions would turn me into a person I would never want to become.

 _"_ _Well what are you going to do?"_

 _"_ _I don't know. I love my unit, but I can't be there anymore. I don't want him to know where I am and have him try to weasel his way back into my life. I want to move on. But I don't want to leave. I want to try and piece my life back together and work on myself. I just don't know where to start. There isn't a place in this city, that he won't ruin for me. I think seeing her with him is all I needed to see to move on. And even if he did leave her for me, I wouldn't want to be a second thought. I don't think I'll be able to ever trust him again."_

 _"_ _You could always stay with me?"_

 _"_ _Yeah, if you were worried about your job before, you should be now, if I decided to move in with you. Plus there is nothing actually wrong with my unit, I just don't want to be there alone, while Kate is away. She won't be back for another couple of months and even then she'll be back with Christians brother."_

 _"_ _Honestly, if you want someone to stay with you, I would. If you needed someone, that is."_

 _"_ _And what about your job? I can't expect you to just give it up like that."_

 _"_ _if your truely done with him, I think he will see it as him still having someone to watch over you. Plus, I could keep him away from you as much as I can."_

 _"_ _I don't want him to think that I need it though. I managed to not die before him and I think I will be perfectly fine. Plus, I can always ask Ethan to stay with me."_

 _"_ _Its your choice Ana."_

 _"_ _Look, why not come with me tonight and then you can come with me to work and then we will work out the rest on the weekend."_

 _"_ _Sounds great."_

 ***SAWYER POV***

Being in Ana's unit felt different then any of the other times I had been here. It always smelt of the same lilies and jasmine; it had the same candles and all the same trinkets and photos of her with her friends and family, but it somehow felt completely strange. It maybe be because upon arrival, she insisted that I change out of the suit attire and into something more "homely". So a shower and half hour later and I was lounging around on her couch in a pair of grey sweats and a white shirt, waiting for her to finish in the single shower. We had eaten our fill of pasta and garlic bread and wine, and returned here happier than what we were. I really didn't give a fuck what Christian thought about this whole situation. If I wasn't here, she would be alone and I couldn't let that happen. She was pretending to be stronger than she actually was, and even though she was putting on a strong face I could tell that maybe even the mention of his name could be her undoing. When she didn't ask for more details about Sienna, it was like any more information about who this woman was would overbear her and that would be it. I could tell, she was well aware of where she stood with Christian, but hopefully this time, she didn't go running back into his arms. Her and Kates unit, was always warm, and unlike Christians. There was always a glow and warmth that I felt. Even when I came here to do my job, I always felt welcomed here and hopefully if she stayed here a little longer than she had been previously, she could get some clarity and work out her next move.

A small sound caught my attention, and immediately I was moving towards it. At first I thought it was some sort of creaking, like someone was walking back and forth, over and over. But as I rounded the corner, I saw her. She looked so small and broken. She was sitting at her side of the bed, looking out the window to the raining weather outside. She had nothing but a too large t-shirt on and her wet hair was clinging to her face. I could see the tears running down her face, and she made no attempt to wipe them away; like she had given up on removing them because they continued to return. I must have made a sound standing in the middle of the doorway, that caught her attention. When her eyes met mine, I couldn't think. She didn't shy away from my eyes like she usually would, and it was then that I truely saw the extent of her sorrow. Her beautiful crystal blue eyes, were rimmed with red and her bottom lip was full from biting on it. It was a habit of hers I'd seen her do a million times in our time within each others lives, but tonight it brought something out of me that I never saw coming. It brought the need, the need to protect her shattered heart. She didn't flinch away just as I didn't and I found myself moving towards her, without any hesitation on my part.

Kneeling at her feet, I could see much more clearly the devastation on her face. I was so engrossed in her that I hadn't noticed her room had about half dozen candles lit through out it as if chasing the darkness away, and both windows were open; allowing some of the outside rain to come in. Her bear legs dangled over her bed, and her toes barely touched the wooden floor. Slowly, I reached for her, to wipe away her tears with my thumb. I was deliberately slow to allow her time to recognise my intention and move away if she wanted nothing of my touch. It was like I had no control over my actions and my body just moved on its own. With her face in my hand, it was the first time I had ever felt her. She was soft to the touch, even if she was cold as ice.

 _"_ _Why won't it stop? You'd think I'd be used to this by now. You'd think I would have known."_

And there it was, the doubt that he planted. It would grow there and fester and become something that would ruin everything about her. She used to be so cheeky and vibrant and now she was this. He had turned someone into a reflection of himself. He didn't care for her, not in anyway more than what he knew. And what made him into a millionaire, would slowly crush her.

 _"_ _He is an idiot and he never deserved you."_

It was then that I realised my hands were on her thighs and that she wasn't pulling away. She was always and will always be off limits, no matter what. No matter how hard it was for me to stop thinking about holding on to her and comforting her, no matter how beautiful she looked, not matter the need to show her how love was supposed to feel, she was off limits. I had to leave this room before I did something that I regretted, before I crossed a line and ended up hurting her more. She was worth more than I could ever give her.

 _"_ _You should try and sleep. I will be on the couch if you need me. Please try and sleep."_

 _"_ _Stay with me."_

I almost turned around, but didn't. It did stop me. Those three little words made me stop, when everything in my head was screaming to leave and come back when she wasn't so hurt; when she didn't look at me like a life line. With my mind racing, and heart jumping, I turned back to look at her once more. She had tucked her hair behind her lot ear, and as much I tried to, I couldn't stop to think about the consequences; about how this could break her further.

 _"_ _Just tonight. I don't want to sleep alone, not again. Please. Don't leave me."_

It was like I was a passenger in a moving car; seeing where I'm going but having no control of where I was headed. Before I knew it I was lying next to her; stiff as a board and heart racing. Because of the open window I was under the sheets in a matter of moments. She was so close, that I could smell the apple in her hair and the coconut on her skin. It felt like I was dancing with the devil and I was on the edge of crossing a line I had danced with for a while.

 _"_ _I don't want this to break me. I'm trying so hard."_

 _"_ _I know. You don't have to ever act for me. I can see how hard this is for you. And I'm sorry, for my part in this."_

Suddenly, she was in my arms, her head on chest and my face in her hair. She fit perfectly in the spot near my underarm. She was still cold, and it made me wonder if she had a warm shower or just stood under freezing water. Within minutes she was asleep, with small wipers here and there. I would not let this mean more than it should; I would be what she needed. For everything that I had helped him put her through, this was the least that I could do to comfort her.

—

Sometime during the night, I was awoken. It wasn't her phone that had been vibrating most of the night, nor was it the wind blowing steadily into her small room. But it was something in the room. The room suddenly felt heavy, like there was more people in the room then there should be. Looking over at my watch, it was four in the morning, about and hour and a half earlier then my body clock would usually wake me. Thats when I saw him. Christian was standing in the middle of the door way, looking pissed and tensing his hands over and over again. With a motion of his head, toward the lounge room, I slowly got out of the bed and made my way after him. She hadn't woken the whole night, and I had slept some of the deepest sleep I had in years.

 _"_ _Is this your fucking game, is it?"_

You could smell the alcohol on him. Bourbon, his drink of choice. I had seen him sink a couple bottles the first time she left him, so it wasn't a surprise that he would be into it this time. That was his MO.

 _"_ _Who let you in here, Christian?"_

 _"_ _You're this close to me dragging you out of her and fucking up that face of yours."_

He was about an inch away from my face. You could see the sleepless night written in every feature and smell the Bourbon, seeping out with every word he slurred. I couldn't bring myself to give a shit about how he was coping, when she was in the other room holding on by a thread.

 _"_ _Who let you in?"_

 _"_ _You think that I don't have keys to my girlfriends place? What are you doing here?"_

 _"_ _She asked me to stay with her tonight."_

 _"_ _Like fuck she did. I know what fucking game you're playing at, and you're fucking done."_

 _"_ _Do you think that after everything you have done, getting rid of me will help your cause? You didn't see her after that stunt you pulled back at Escala, I did. She doesn't want you here and I don't see a reason as to why you can't stay the fuck away."_

 _"_ _You better fucking leave her alone."_

With my shirt in his hands and me backed into a wall behind me, it wouldn't take much for this to turn into a fight. And an ugly one at that. But I doubt that waking up to seeing two grown ass men throwing fists into each other and destroying her place would be something that Ana would want to wake up to. SO as calmly as I could muster, I just stared. He wasn't in a state to understand logic and Taylor would be here soon enough.

 _"_ _You're done. You can fucking leave. Get the fuck out."_

 _"_ _She will be awake soon enough. And since Friday is a work day, she will be working. And since I don't work for you anymore, I will wait until she wakes up to see what she wants. I don't understand what you're doing Christian. You have Sienna. And I bet right now, she is at Escala, with no idea where you are."_

His silence was enough of an answer to confirm my suspicions. I had to end this and now, before she woke up and this became a whole lot more than it needed to be.

 _"_ _So, you listen here Christian. I won't leave until she tells me otherwise. And you would be wise to stay the fuck away until she seeks you out. You owe her that much."_

 _"_ _Luke?"_

 ***CHRISTIAN POV***

There she stood. Her hair was framing her face in that way that made her look so beautiful. She wore nothing but a shirt, my shirt. Her bare legs is all I could see, those legs that would send any man to war. Mine.

 _"_ _Whats happening? Whats going on?"_

It was like she wasn't awake to notice that the person that Sawyer pushed away, was me. That gave me a few moments to see actually look at her, to memorise those things about her that I had come to miss. When her eyes finally landed on me, there was a split second of shock, followed by another of raking over me. I knew this look. She was seeing if I was ok, if there was any sign of stress; it was a sign of her love still for me. There still maybe hope for us after all. But with that fleeting second, her face settled on anger, sheer and unyielding.

 _"_ _What are you doing here?"_

 _"Ana, go back to bed. I'll be there in a second."_

Who the fuck did he think he was speaking for her. He was nothing but hired help. And now suddenly he thinks that he can come in and take what is clearly mine. Before I knew what I was doing, I grabbed her hand and made our way to her room. Once we were inside, I shut the door and locked it. I could hear him banging on the door, but I didn't care. I would deal with him soon enough.

" _Its ok, Luke. Just give me a minute."_

She shrugged out of my hands and began to walk away from me, and I couldn't help but get turned on by everything about her. I knew I needed to think about the hurt that I had caused her, but all I could think about was how good she would feel underneath me.

 _"What do you want? Sienna done for the night is she?"_

 _"I came here for you."_

 _"I can't do this. All this back and forth all the time isn't good. Don't you think I deserve to have some sort of normalcy in my life?"_

 _"You belong with me Ana. You know this. I love... I love.."_

Quicker than she had ever been before, she had me spun me around and pushed me onto the bed. She was hovering above me; strong and fierce and sexy as fuck. Every part of her I had explored, but this was new and it was making every thought in my head vanish in the seconds it was there.

 _"Listen to me, you don't get to do this. You don't get to come here and dangle the words you know Ive been waiting to hear in front of me. You don't get to be the hero, when you're really the villain. You have her, and I do not share. I don't want you, and I don't want this. This is over."_

 _"Ana, please. Let me in. I want to make things right between us. I want to fix us and become what we both want."_

I couldn't stop myself, from reaching out and wrapping my hands around her neck, and bringing my face to meet hers. It was involuntary when my lips tasted hers. And sooner than i ever thought she would allow, our mouths were intertwined with passion so fierce, it could almost tear me apart. As she straddled me, I could almost touch the electricity around us, and soon I could feel myself pressing in on her softest part. This what we needed to get back to. And as she ground her hips against me, while her tongue licked and nibbled on the part of my neck, I felt my need for her almost take over total control. She was beautiful, not because of what she was doing to me, but because of who she was. And I needed to figure a way out of this, because the thought of losing her for good would almost certainly be the death of me. As she sat up and gasped for air, I knew what was coming next, she would remove her clothes and show me the most intimate parts of her; the parts only I had the pleasure of exploring. But just as she was about to start, she leant down so her mouth was right next to ear.

 _"This will be the last time you ever touch me. I want you to feel this, to feel the heat I have and all that I can give. I want you to remember the way I taste and the way I made you hard with a single touch. I want you to imagine me and long after me, because after this I will be giving it to someone else. You won't own me anymore Christian, and I don't want to own you. You will never have me again. I hope she gives you everything you need, because I won't be here waiting for you anymore. Now, get the fuck out of my house and out of my life."_


	9. Chapter 9

***ANA POV***

It had been more than two weeks since that night with Christian and Sawyer. I didn't know how to feel, but I was glad that my life was moving on. Christian was still calling everyday, and sending emails regularly, but he never again came back to the unit. I was happy for that. I knew that me living my life outside of his world would be driving him crazy, but I really didn't have time to think about his feelings. There wasn't a point during the whole time he was with her, that he thought of me once. And I couldn't go back. I had to keep moving forward, and he was in the past. He had dictated what happened with us constantly, and now I had the power to live the way that I wanted. I didn't want to be this meek little thing that was won over with pleas of sorry and hollow words; I wanted action and consistency. Christian would always be my first and there was nothing about it that I could change and I don't think that I would ever want to. No matter how hard he hurt me; no matter how much he shattered my heart and my trust, I am a stronger person for it. The only thing that I was truely worried about was this thing with Sawyer. He had honestly been the only thing that has kept me going. I had needed him so much that he ended up staying three days out of the past week. There were days, when Christian would call him away for "work" but for the most part we spoke most days. It was easy and we seemed to know what to not talk about with each other. I never asked him what he was doing with Christian and he never pushed for me to open up about how I felt. Even when one particular bad night, when I could barely make it to my room, he was there; every step of the way. And I would forever be grateful for him. I don't know where I would be or how broken I would have been without him. I was so worried that he would have to find new work or that Christian would retaliate against me by firing him, but from as much as Sawyer revealed, he was working the door like he had been previously. He even went far enough to say the Christian had been civil with him, and that he hardly had even had words to him. I think that most of the communication was done through Taylor, which honestly was ok with both him and me.

I had begun looking for my own place, somewhere where there wasn't images of him in every room and every surface. I wouldn't be moving until the end of next month when Kate gets back, but I still felt the need to plan ahead and to not have any nasty surprises, because honestly I had had enough of those to last a life time. It was getting easier as the days went on, and the fact that I was doing well in my position with SIP meant that I was working hard, and being rewarded for it. My boss, Jack, still was little close for my liking, but it was nothing that I couldn't handle. I had been through worse and felt worse, that a little office flirting, more so on his part than mine, was hardly something to be concerned about. The work week usually consisted of Monday through to Thursday, and then Friday half day. It was perfect for me.

It gave me time to myself to sort though things internally. But also do things that I had wanted to do with Christian, but had decided to do myself. I started going to the gym more often, made more of an effort to see my friends, and made a point to have one night a week where I dressed up and went out for either a feed or an activity. And since it was thanksgiving soon, it was more often then not to have some sort of activity to go to. And more often then not, it would either be Ethan or Sawyer with me. But on this rare occasion, they both had work, which had me grocery shopping all by myself. Not that it was a problem, I just always thought that the holidays would be with the people you loved. My mother wouldn't be able to make it due to her having broken her hip on a surfing trip with husband number three, and Ray was unable to come because he was working and the money was too good to pass up. I didn't hold it against them; they had their lives and I had mine.

 _"_ _Ana? Is that you?"_

I looked around and found a familiar face staring back at me. He still smelt of musk and even though I could see more tattoos then I did before, he still was the same guy nice guy who gave me a ride home, when I looked like I could have just escaped a crazy cult of some kind.

 _"_ _Sam?"_

 _"_ _Yeah, funny you seem to remember me."_

 _"_ _I know. I'm sorry I never got back in touch with you. I should have really reached out considering you saved me from an hour of walking. Will you ever forgive me?"_

 _"_ _Calm down Ana. I was just joking. How have you been?"_

 _"_ _Good, just been busy with work and with Thanksgiving next week, I thought I should stock up on the necessities. You know, like booze and pie. How about you?"_

 _"_ _Uh, Ive been great. I found my own place, and know my way around a bit better now. Just been scouting for my own spot. Ive been trying to get my own bar off the ground, but its a tough industry to get into around these parts."_

 _"_ _I had no idea you were looking. We should catch up. I need to find out more about my knight in shinning armour."_

 _"_ _Well, are you free now?"_

There shouldn't be a reason to pause. But I did. Even though I didn't care what or who Christian was doing, I didn't think I was ready to jump into anything with anybody. And now because of him, I looked at every situation as a threat instead of an opportunity. He had made me harder; stronger yes, but more closed off. There was a part of me that would never trust the world the same way or have the same view on anyone. How could I trust a stranger, when the person I was sleeping with was able to get past all my defences? What chance did I have on seeing the signs, if I couldn't see the major ones laughing at me in the face?

 _"_ _Come on Ana. Im not asking you to marry me. I promise Im not some obsessed stalker. Im just your run of the mill Australian bar tender, trying to make it big in the big city."_

 _"_ _Ok. Where to?"_

 _"_ _My brothers spot."_

 ***SAM POV***

I could spot her from anywhere. I was kicking myself for over a month when I didn't get her details when she left my car. And even though there was every chance that she was just some random girl that stumbled out of the bar I was working at, there was every chance that it could be something more. When I saw her asleep in the club, with tears on her cheeks, there was something in me that said that I could make her happy. Something in me told me that she had been put in my path for a reason, and for more than a month I searched for her every shift I had. I know it was stupid and ridiculous, and a bit over the top, but there was something about her that I was drawn to. I didn't care that I was probably one of many guys chasing after her, I just wanted to be in the race. And if coming to the states had taught me anything, is that when life puts something in your path, you take it every chance at happiness that you can get.

 _"_ _So where is your brothers place?"_

 _"_ _Right there."_

As I pointed to the restaurant across the street, she smiled. It wasn't a big teeth shinning smile, but something that I found so sweet. Her brown hair was up in a ponytail, that made her neck look long and slender. There was an immediate attraction to her for me and I was hoping to whoever was up above that maybe my luck was turning.

 _"_ _I know I shouldn't assume anything, but Im glad its a restaurant your taking me to. When you said your brothers place, I thought you meant his house and I was thinking of exit strategies to save myself."_

 _"_ _Well, its good to know that not only do I have the ability to make you follow me into anything, but that you would follow me into anything, even things with exit strategies needed."_

As we walked into the my brothers restaurant, I was still taken back on how much he had accomplished in his life. He had always loved food, and because food had always been the thing that brought the family together and it brought him so much happiness, it only made sense that he would make a living out of it. He was beyond happy with doing something he loved and whenever I walked into this place, it gave me a sense of hope; that even when the whole world is pinned against you, that with perseverance and hard work, anything can come true. It was a small American bbq eatery. It specialised in home cooked hearty food, with good beers and wine on tap. The dark mahogany in almost every bit of furniture with the gold trims and small fairy lights made it feel like the home I would have wanted.

She walked in proud and confident. She was wearing tight denim jeans and a simple white shirt and boots. She could have been made for this restaurant. It was almost carnal, like this need to know more about her, and be close to her. I didn't want to scare her away, but I was so intrigued by her, that it seemed almost comical.

 _"_ _STIRLING! WHERE ARE YOU STIRLING?"_

Before I could understand what was happening, my brother came out with a stupid grin on his face. He enveloped her in a massive hug that spun her around with a look of absolute glee on her face. My brother was not the type of man to hug anyone, let alone in the middle of a semi-packed eatery. He was about a foot taller than me, but we could be each others mirror image. He had just as much tattoos as I did, but he kept his to his arms and legs. He always gave me shit about my neck, and how it could effect my work, but I never cared much for what he said about that. It was my body and I would do with it what I want. He was two years older than me and he would never let it go, as if it really made a difference in your 20s.

 _"_ _Look who we have here! I haven't seen you in over a week Steele. I was beginning to think that maybe you had fallen down some well, and was waiting for me to rescue you."_

 _"_ _Please, Its been like four days. Come on. I told you things would get hectic with Thanksgiving around the corner."_

 _"_ _And I told you your more than welcome to have it with me. You can even bring Ethan. Where is he?"_

 _"_ _Work. He had to fly to Portland, so its just me for a little bit, but Sawyer will be back later on today, so not to worry."_

I couldn't believe my eyes. He was almost as smitten with her as I was, although it was evident that he knew her a lot more than I did. I had some major ground work to catch up on.

 _"_ _Have you met my baby brother, Sammy?"_

 _"_ _She has Jake. I brought her here. She is the girl I was telling you about; the one that fell asleep in the club."_

 _"_ _NO WAY! That was you Steele?"_

 _"_ _Apparently, although I had no idea you guys were brothers."_

 _"_ _Yeah, Sammy doesn't like to let anyone we are related for some strange reason. Probably because I am the better looking brother."_

And that was all it took. We spent most of the afternoon catching up on who knew who and how. Apparently her friend Ethan has been coming here for a while, so much so that when she and Ethans sister moved here, this was one of the first places she came to. As the story goes, she used to come with a bunch of guys, some of whom I got the feeling was an ex, and she befriended Jake easily enough. She comes here most weeks and I somehow missed her every time she came. The universe liked to play little games, and twist fate it seemed. She had been under my nose this whole time and my brother had known. He would be copping an earful later on, and judging by his cheeky grin, he knew exactly what I was thinking and what was to come; asshole. She stayed till closing, even though on Fridays we stayed open till eleven. She helped clear tables and even took some orders when some of the girls out the front were busy. Even when I was called away to help at the bar, she stayed tucked away in the back corner, just playing on her phone and waiting.

We got to know each other and spoke about most things. it was apparent that her love life was off the tables and that this Ethan and Sawyer people were "close" friends of hers, who she cared for deeply. She told me of her love for books and her need for adventure and how she felt she needed something new. It was easy to converse with her and there wasn't a moment where I thought that she was someone who would be work. She was smart and wholesome and seemed to have a heart that was almost a weakness. At the end of the night, I offered to drive her home, but she had said she had a ride home. When a black Audi pulled up, I was expecting the rich fucker, who threaten to make my life hell if I was hiding her, but it appeared to be this Sawyer person. At least I didn't have to worry about how she would get home, but the thought of her with someone else left butterflies in my stomach.

 _"_ _You need to back off Sammy. She's been through enough to not even realise all these long looks at her, mean more than just friends."_

 _"_ _What happened with her?"_

 _"_ _Her ex cheated on her, apparently hurt her bad. She won't let you see it, but she's still raw. So, I don't think any unwelcome advances on her will go down well."_

 _"_ _I don't know what you mean."_

 _"Of course you do. And believe me, there is a line of guys with a bigger chances than you. So for once just listen to me and just relax."_

 _"_ _Im not gonna do anything. Im not some horny dog that wants to fuck everything that walks Jake. And its not even like that. And by the way, you knew who she was; you knew she was the girl from the club."_

 _"_ _Of course. But your hardly around these days, so its not like you would ever know."_

 _"_ _Hey, Im working as hard as you."_

 _"_ _I know baby brother."_

 _"_ _Mum would have loved her."_

 _"_ _I know. Why do you think I become an absolute cupcake around her. She hasn't once ever been less than perfect."_

 _"_ _Why would you cheat on that?"_

 _"Because you don't realise what you have until you don't have it anymore."_

 ***SAWYER POV***

By the time I got back to Seattle it was close to eleven at night and I was absolutely drained. There had been so much going on with work, that I hardly got time to check in with Ana. Christian had insisted that I be there to finalise a purchase of an estate down by the bay. He had wanted us all to be there with him, when he bought the new property and insisted that we go though all the security protocol and oversea every section of the massive property. It was a thing of beauty, that much was apparent. It was right on the bay, and had its own access to the water. There was four decent sized bedrooms and two lounge rooms with three bathrooms. It was all cream and soft colours; something completely unlike him. He was there taking phone call after phone call and meeting after meeting with Taylor and a bunch of new employees. None of these meetings I was allowed to sit in on, not that it mattered, it just made something in the back of my mind crawl. Anything that secretive had to do with Ana, and anything to do with Ana would always get back to Ana if I knew. There had been a small conversation with Christian that made me think that he was losing it, that maybe her not talking or contacting him at all had broken something in him. Good, he deserved all that and more.

 _"_ _How is she?"_

 _"_ _Who, Sir?'_

 _"_ _Cut the bullshit Sawyer. You know the only person I care about is Ana."_

 _"_ _And Sienna?"_

 _"_ _Are you going to tell me or am I going to have to find out for myself. There is only so much I can give before breaking."_

 _"_ _She's getting better. She doesn't cry as much, although she doesn't love the way she used to."_

 _"_ _I never wanted this."_

 _"_ _With all due respect, what the fuck did you want?"_

 _"_ _Not this."_

There wasn't much more after that, and I didn't care much to try and force the issue. She wasn't ready to speak to him, and I wasn't about to push her into anything that she wasn't comfortable with. But by the end of the day, I was tired and exhausted after inspection after inspection and vetting person after person. I was glad to have the holidays off, which meant a week off. Apart from seeing my mother, I had nothing planned. No family, no strings, no nothing. Ana and I had become closer and she had begun to become the vibrant person she once was. There was moments when I think she misses him or at least the idea of him, and then its like she's hurt all over again. In those moments, she tends to sit in her room, and does little else. She blocks everyone out and becomes less then what she is and can be. But looking at her sleeping frame in the car on the way back to her unit, I couldn't imagine not being in her life. I was in further than I ever thought I ever could be and it scared the living crap outta me.

 _"_ _Stay with me."_

 _"_ _Ana, you know I can't."_

She was so small in that massive bed that took up most of her room. For some reason she now slept with all the windows open and refused to close them, no matter the weather outside. I had no idea why she insisted on it, and I could never get her to close them.

 _"_ _Why?"_

 _"_ _Its not … I can't …"_

 _"_ _After all we've been through, do you really need to think about what to say? Just say how you feel."_

I came to sit on her bed, close enough to smell the same smell of coconut and apple, like many times before. I had to stop, I had to have a line in the sand and not damage her heart more. I couldn't let this be the thing that ruins it for her. And I won't be her rebound.

 _"_ _I don't think this is what you want or need right now."_

 _"_ _Sawyer, please."_

She was holding my hand and looking at me with eyes that if it had been any other time, I would have said yes to anything that she asks. In a perfect world there wouldn't be so much clouding of my mind and of hers. He hurt her, more than anyone has ever hurt her before and there is no coming back from that. And I don't want to be the person who adds to that, because I'll never be able to give her the things she wants or needs. She makes my heart race, and my mind blur, she always has. But I want more for her, more than I could ever give her. More quickly than I intended, I pulled my hand back and stood.

 _"_ _Don't. Don't do that. Don't touch me like that."_

 ***ANA POV***

 _Don't touch me._

 _Don't touch me like that._

 _Dont._

 _Dont._

 _Don't touch me._

It was like ice or like venom; like my touch was like searing pain. I was trying. I was reading all the signs, and taking my time. I had been talking myself out of thinking that maybe I wasn't some sort of plaything men like to use, like maybe there wasn't something innately wrong with me. I was piecing myself back together, and even if I wasn't ready for anything serious, I was ready to try. I wasn't looking for love or even sex, I think I was looking for someone to look at me the way I looked at him. And I had stupidly misunderstood his kindness for wanting more. At best this was rejection, and at worst this was reconfirmation that I was damaged goods. I know I was getting back to being me; to holding my own and trying to see myself in a light that drowned out all my darkness. But its never easy to stop yourself thinking and rethinking and thinking again. I had never doubted myself as much as I did in the last six months. Id never looked at my reflection, and saw all the reasons why I wasn't enough. I might have seen parts of me I wanted to change, but now all I saw was all the reasons he didn't try. And again I had mistaken kindness or pity for more than what it was.

 _"_ _Im sorry."_

 _"_ _Ana…"_

 _"_ _Look, lets just chalk it up to being a long week."_

 _"_ _Look at me."_

 _"_ _Sawyer, just go."_

 _"_ _Don't do this."_

 _"_ _Please, just leave me alone."_

 _"_ _Look at me."_

But I couldn't. I couldn't look at him and see a new stranger. I wanted to sleep, and sleep away this numbness. I was tired of getting over it, and getting sick of starting with new beginnings. For once, I wanted to someone to make me first and even though I was so set on being a strong stone woman, I would never be her. I was soft and easily wounded, and as hard as I tried to be someone I wasn't, I couldn't make me into her.

 _"_ _Look at me."_

 _"_ _I think you should go to your place tonight."_

 _"_ _Ana…"_

 _"_ _Please. Just leave."_

I didn't need to see to know he was gone. I needed to be alone to talk myself off the edge. I needed time to think about all the bullshit swirling around in my head. I hadn't called him or heard his voice in so long. And the silence was crushing me. The quiet was deafening and even though I didn't want to need him, I needed to close it off.

Hours.

Hours. I sat there for hours staring at the rain and wondering how I felt. A part of me hated him; hated him with everything I had in me. I hated that he ruined me, that he made me whole and then tore away every safe guard I thought I had. I hated that this will forever change the person that I am and that I will never be the same. I hated him for making me into this person who can't even recognise how much this has taken out of me. I never fully understand heartbreak; never fully got why it could scoop out everything you are and leave you hollow. I hated that I let him off the hook; that I just froze him out without even a good explanation. I hated that I couldn't face him and that I still can't truely get over it. I hated that he made me doubt everything and everyone. And whats worse, I still loved him. I felt safe with him and felt like I was stronger for having him stand with me. He showed me more than I could have ever found out on my own. And even though he never said it, I know there is a part of him that loves a part of me. This couldn't hurt so much, if it didn't mean so much. He gave me my first butterflies, my first need for someone else, my first true feeling of happiness. And I would always remember that.

 _"_ _Christian?"_

 _"_ _Ana, is that you?"_

 _"_ _Yeah. Im sorry did I wake you?"_

 _"_ _No. I wasn't asleep."_

 _"_ _Oh. Are you busy? You don't have anyone you need to… I mean… If your busy…"_

 _"_ _No Ana. I want to talk to you."_

 _"_ _I can't…"_

 _"_ _Whats wrong Ana?"_

 _"_ _I can't breath. Its like I'm holding my breath. Its like you've stolen my breath and I want it back. I want to be ok and I can't because you've stolen a piece of me and I want it back Christian."_

 _"_ _Ana…"_

"No I need to say this."

 _"_ _OK."_

 _"_ _I knew, for the longest time I knew. I knew there was something wrong. I knew that we were moving away from each other and I was so stubborn to look at it for what it was."_

 _"_ _Ana…."_

 _"_ _No let me say it. I won't be able to move on until I do."_

 _"_ _Please, just say it."_

 _"_ _I know time will heal me and I know it won't hurt as much tomorrow. But it hurts like hell right now. I thought you were my everything and even though I really love you, I can't keep feeling like Im free falling. I can't keep feeling like this. So please, just tell me. Why was I never enough?"_

 _"_ _Ana. I never meant to hurt you. I honestly think that you are the one for me. Sienna, was like another part of me. I'll be honest with you. I didn't expect to feel this way about her. She was so confident and settled and we wanted the same things."_

 _"_ _I thought we wanted the same things."_

 _"_ _I thought that part of me was done with. I thought that what we had would be enough to make it work. And I couldn't take being such a disappointment to you when I knew what I was doing and how I was getting it."_

 _"_ _I can't change you."_

 _"_ _Im trying Ana. I really am. Ive seen Flynn more than I ever have."_

 _"_ _But your still seeing her?"_

 _"_ _Yes."_

 _"_ _And she's with you now?"_

 _"_ _Not right now."_

 _"_ _But in the same building."_

 _"_ _Yes."_

 _"_ _I'll never be enough for you. There will always be something about me that is missing. I can't ever just be enough; just me."_

 _"_ _Ive never asked you to change for me. I have wanted you the way you are since the first time that I saw you."_

 _"_ _And like an idiot, I let you take what you needed and leave me broken."_

 _"_ _I would change it all if I could Ana. I would. I hate to hear how much pain your in."_

 _"_ _Who else knew?"_

 _"_ _Most of the staff."_

 _"_ _Right. Christian?"_

 _"_ _Yes."_

 _"_ _What do you want from me?"_

 _"_ _I want you to wait for me. I know I can be the man you need and I know that we can be everything that we both need. I just need time. I need you to know that I will fix this. I will fix us."_

 _"_ _There isn't any fixing us; there is a barely fixing me. I won't stop you from being happy, because I love you enough to want good things for you. I want you to find whatever it is your looking for with whoever that is. I would have always chosen you, and you have not once chosen me. I won't wait for you because I won't be a second choice."_

 _"_ _Ana, please just give me time. I … "_

 _"_ _I don't want time. I wanted you. Its all Ive ever wanted; all this time thats all I ever wanted. Im sorry I called. I shouldn't have."_

 _"_ _ANA!"_

 ***SAWYER POV***

She hadn't spoken to me in nearly four days. She went to work and came back. There was a smile on her lips, but they never reached her eyes. She spoke and she ate and functioned like a living person. But she seemed to be dead underneath. She went to the gym, and lived the life that anyone could tell was hers, but she was empty. I stood outside her door for hours after the phone call with the only person that I could assume could make her cry the way she had. She didn't leave her room the whole weekend and the only way she eventually left, was because of work and commitments to Ethan. He returned the day after the phone call, but she never let anything on. She never told him of my acts of hurt towards her. She never outed me like I hoped she would have. She didn't even call for me anymore. I ended sleeping at my place more often and she seemed to not notice my existence. I had to make her understand, or to at least look at me. But I doubt with Kates early return with Elliot and thanksgiving dinner tonight, she would want to hash it out.

 _"_ _SAWYER!"_

 _"_ _Kate! When did you get here?"_

 _"We got in this morning, but we haven't had a chance to see anyone. We got stuck at the airport with the traffic and all the chaos of the holidays. How is everyone?"_

 _"_ _Good. Have you spoken to Ana?"_

 _"_ _Not really. She just told me that thanksgiving dinner would be at Jakes and to meet her here."_

 _"_ _Oh, ok."_

 _"_ _Why? Whats the problem? I bet her and Christian are still in their love bubble. Haven't been able to get them to come up for air?"_

 _"_ _No, not at all. Look…"_

 _"_ _No matter. Elliot just got off the phone with him and him and that Sienna girl is meeting us here."_

 _"_ _What do you mean?"_

 _"_ _Well I assumed that Ana and Christian would be together, but he said she was already here and that he was coming with a friend."_

 _"_ _Yeah, friend. Look Kate we need to talk…"_

 _"_ _Oh theres Ana. Was great seeing you Sawyer."_

 ***SAM POV***

Ana was setting the table, and I couldn't understand why all of a sudden she wanted to celebrate it with us. I thought her and Jake were close, but I had no idea that she would actually take him up on his offer. I was happy nonetheless. She was wearing simple white dress made of lace, with her hair hanging around her shoulders. She smiled and laughed when needed, but there was something off. She was steering clear of the crowd of people that I could only assume was family and friends. There was only Jake and I in our family and only a couple of the wait staff in attendance. It was a small gathering but it was more than enough people to get lost in the chatter.

Once all the food and drinks and the turkey was laid on the table, everybody came to the table to find spots of their own. Ana's friend Kate and her boyfriend and brother sat together, followed by Sawyer. Close to them was some of the girls from front of house, and a couple of the guys from the bar. Next to them was Jake, then myself, Ana, Ana's friends Jose and Hannah. Ana was sitting by me chatting about how good all the food turned out and how good the turkey smelt, when a new group of people arrived. A girl that could be Ana's twin, the rich fucker and what looked like the rich fuckers butler. From under the table, I could feel Ana grab my leg as if it was the only thing keeping her grounded to the earth.

 _"_ _Finally Christian. You decide to get here. I thought you would miss it, bro."_

 _"_ _I could hardly miss this, what with you calling every two minutes to see where I was Elliot."_

Elliot. Kates boyfriends name was Elliot. Remember that.

 _"_ _I didn't know you were invited Christian."_

 _"_ _Kate and Elliot invited me Luke."_

Tension.

 _"_ _Well I'm sure you can find your way out."_

 _"_ _Whats your problem Sawyer? Kate and I invited him. We haven't seen him in months."_

There was something I was missing. Some sort of silent fight that I had yet to figure out. Looking at Jake, I could tell he knew what was happening and was staring at Ana, who was all of a sudden very focused on the pumpkin pie in the middle of the table. I knew it would be awkward for Ana to have her ex here, but her reaction was too hostile to be just because of him.

 _"_ _Well, Im Sam and this is my brother Jake. And you are?"_

Lets see if the rich fucker remembers me.

 _"_ _Im Christian Grey and this is Sienna Bulk. I believe we have met before."_

 _"_ _Right. Lintos Club. You threatened to rearrange my face if I remember."_

 _"_ _Right."_

Kate seemed to be trying to get Ana's attention, but it seemed that those elusive exit strategies had her attention.

 _"_ _Hello Ana. Its good to see you."_

 _"_ _Yes. Same to you Christian."_

Someone somewhere suggested that we start to eat, and suddenly the room was filled with conversations about the weather in Tuscany and the food in Spain. But my attention was kept on the Ana next to me. She was eating silently, laughing when needed and motioning for food when asked if she wanted any. Sienna was chatting with Elliot animatedly and every now and then I would catch both Sawyer and Christian watching Ana. To be fair, she never left, she ate in somewhat silence and excused herself with the excuse of getting desserts. It didn't take long to have me following after her.

 _"_ _Ana, whats wrong?"_

 _"_ _He brought her here?"_

 _"_ _Who?"_

 _"_ _Christian. Thats… the girl.. he left me… she's the one…"_

With that she was in my arms. She wasn't crying or shaking or anything, she was just holding onto me as tightly as I was holding on to her. I have no idea what fucking thought process was running through his head, but he was about to get a piece of my mind.

 _"_ _Don't. I don't want him to see how much… I don't want him to think he effects me this much. I don't want to be weak in front of him. Don't ruin thanksgiving. Please."_

 _"_ _Ana, he doesn't deserve to be here. You are our friend, not him and that…. woman."_

 _"_ _Sam please. I can last a dinner without falling apart."_

 _"_ _Ana, just say the word and we are gone."_

 _"_ _Ok. Just don't leave… just don't start anything. Not today ok."_

As we walked back out with cakes and puddings in each hand, I noticed that the table was clear and wine and beers replaced the plates of food. As we placed the desserts on the table, I let Ana sit closer to me then she was before. Im not sure who initiated it, but in all probability it was me. I leant over to whisper in her ear.

 _"_ _You know. That pudding that you made? It does look like you dropped it a couple times. I mean come one, the poor thing looks sad."_

She burst out laughing; a beautiful, dazzling sound of bells. She looked back at me through her vail of hair and smiled.

 _"_ _You know I tried really hard on that. It isn't my fault that mine looks better then your horrible "cake", What is that anyways?"_

 _"_ _I will have you know that that cake right there, makes all the women swoon. One piece and you'll fall for me."_

 _"_ _One piece, you say? Bring it on."_

It was becoming apparent that we had not only Sienna and rich fuckers eyes on us, but Sawyers too. Odd. Grabbing a big piece of my chocolate cake, I began to feed it to her to only have it smudged in her beautiful face. Shock and laughter was all that came from her as she used her index finger to swipe it from her cheek into her mouth. Delicious.

 _"_ _So, Ana. What are you thankful for?"_

Ana nearly choked on the cake when Sienna asked her the question. To be fair it was a reasonable one, but the fact that it came from her made my blood boil. It brought the whole tables attention on Ana, and soon she was biting on her bottom lip; a stress habit I'd noticed.

 _"_ _Well, Im thankful for my health and for the family and friends that I have around me. What about you… um.. SI.. Sienna?"_

 _"_ _Im thankful for love. Im thankful for having found someone who would move heaven and hell for me; for love."_

 _"_ _Im glad for you."_

The table began to go on about what they were indeed happy for. None of them seemed to notice, that Ana was about to fall apart.

 _"_ _Sam, you know how you said you would take me away? Can we go now?"_

 _"_ _Of course, come on babe."_

Butting into whatever the hell my brother was dribbling on about, I needed to excuse us from the table.

 _"_ _Sorry folks, Ana and I have to cut this a bit early. We totally forgot something at her unit, and we have to go get it. But Im sure we will see you all at the fireworks later on."_

 _"_ _I can take you Ana. I know the way."_

 _"_ _Um, thanks Christian, but um.. we … um…"_

 _"_ _We have some business to take care of mate. But thanks for the offer but I have it covered."_

We were about to get into the car, when someone caught Ana's elbow.

 _"_ _Ana, you don't have to leave."_

 _"_ _Get your hands off her Christian."_

 _"_ _Im not fucking talking to you, am I?"_

 _"_ _Back the fuck up."_

 _"_ _Christian, I don't know why your doing this to me. Why do you hate me soo much? Just leave me alone, please."_

 _"_ _Ana, we need to talk please."_

 _"She doesn't want to talk to you. Go back to your new girlfriend."_

Pushing him away gave Ana the chance to get into the car and close and lock the door.

 _"_ _Im going to tell you this once and once only. You don't fucking scare me and I won't put up with your bullshit. Come around her again, and I'll fucking kill you. Got it?"_

 _"_ _You have no idea what your getting involved in."_

 _"_ _Nah mate, the thing is you have no idea. Stay the fuck away from her."_


	10. Chapter 10

***KATE POV***

 _"_ _You have some serious fucking explaining to do Grey. And I don't mean this bullshit double talking. WHAT. THE. FUCK. DID. YOU. DO?"_

I had never been so livid in my entire life. I knew something was up the moment he arrived. There was this bubbling tension in the air, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I hadn't heard from Ana much over the last couple of months; apart from a few distant emails and some phone calls here and there. She hadn't said anything about what was happening with her apart from working hard, and totally loving it. But when I saw the look on her face when he walked in, I knew there was something seriously wrong. When Elliot spoke to him, all he said was that Ana was already here and that he would be coming with some friend from work. I had no idea that it would feel like this.

 _"_ _Look, Kate…"_

 _"_ _So help me Grey, if you don't start talking, I promise Im going to loose my shit."_

 _"_ _I fucked up ok."_

 _"_ _How?"_

 _"_ _I met someone else and I.. We… It just happened."_

 _"_ _Are you fucking kidding me? Who?"_

 _"_ _The woman I brought with me today."_

 _"_ _Whats wrong with you? You have some fucking problems. You cheat on her and then come here and rub it in her face? What part of your tiny, tiny brain, made you think that it would be a good idea to even show your face?"_

 _"_ _I wanted to see her and I couldn't dodge you and Elliot forever."_

 _"_ _This whole time here I was thinking that there was nothing wrong; that you and her were happy and that things were fine. And then I come home to find this shit out."_

 _"_ _Come on Kate. She would have already told you. You two are as thick as thieves; I doubt that there isn't a thing about her that you don't know."_

 _"_ _She hasn't said a single bad thing about you. She hasn't told me one thing about the shit you have pulled."_

As we stood in the bathroom of the restaurant, it became abundantly clear that Ana was going through so much, but didn't want to let me know. And now, I felt like him. I had failed her. I was supposed to be her closest friend in the world, and I had no idea what was going on with her. I had sent email after email, going on about how much fun Elliot and I were having and how happy I was. And all the while she was here, probably falling apart. She was always more thoughtful than I ever was, and knowing her, she wouldn't want to damper my vacation away. I needed to speak to her and make sure she was ok, and be the friend to that she has always been to me. Had she not left not ten minutes earlier, I would be able to talk to her now, but god knows where she is.

 _"_ _Look Christian. I don't give a fuck about you or this new girl you're playing around with. But I swear, if I see you anywhere near her, you'll regret it. You have no idea the person you've just lost, and I'm going to do everything in my power, to make sure that you never get the chance to hurt her again."_

I couldn't look at him for a second longer, and a couple of minutes later I was in my car, racing back home. That was the only place she could be. There would be no way that she would go back to be anywhere close to him. I couldn't believe that this was happening to her, and selfishly I was heartbroken not only for her, but for myself. How could I tell her that Elliot had proposed, when her whole world was falling apart? I couldn't do that to her; I couldn't rub my own happiness in her face while she was heartbroken. Walking into the unit, there was a suitcase next to the door. It was small and black, and unlike any one I had ever seen.

 _"_ _Ana?"_

 _"_ _In here Kate."_

 _"_ _Ana."_

She was sitting on her bed, with her whole room packed in boxes. All the pictures were off the wall, all her stacks of books off the shelves and no sign of her anywhere. The room looked completely empty and totally devoid of any trace of her. We had moved into this place together and we had made it our own. My Dad was covering the rent, which allowed Ana and I to live in relative comfort. I can still remember moving in and eating pizza on the floor for the first week, because we had nothing to eat with. There were so many memories that we made here together and it would now feel hollow without her here.

 _"_ _Hello Kate. How was your holiday?"_

 _"_ _Ana, are we really going to talk about my stupid holiday? Maybe we should talk about whats happening with you."_

 _"_ _Where do I start?"_

 _"_ _How about at the start?"_

We spoke for over an hour. She cried and I yelled; more so at him then anyone else. She spoke of her heartbreak and how utterly broken she was. And I had never wanted to physically hurt someone more I did right then. He had not only hurt her once, but for months. And she had hidden everything from me; for him. She didn't want me to hate him, because she thought maybe they would work through this; that maybe there was a way to come back to what they were. I thought she was happy, but clearly I was wrong about the both of them. There hadn't been anyone to stand up for her. Taylor and Swayer were supposed to be there for her, but apparently they were too easily bought.

 _"_ _Whats with the suitcase, Ana?"_

 _"_ _Kate, I wanted to tell you. You know how much I love this place, but I can't stay here. I can barely be here now. Do you know what I see every time I look at this bed? Him. And that doorway? Him. And that wall next to the window? Him. He is everywhere I look and I can't move on with life if every piece of this place reminds me of him and how he's ruined… everything."_

 _"_ _Ana, you can't run away. This is your home."_

 _"_ _Kate, you will need the space anyways."_

 _"_ _Why Ana? How much space could you possibly be taking up?"_

 _"_ _You and Elliot will need somewhere to live and as much as I love you, I don't think sharing a space with a newly engaged couple."_

I instantly went to cover my ring. It had been something I completely overlooked, and knowing her, she would have spotted it and just accepted it. I knew she had already made her mind up, but that this excuse would be the one she would run with. She would want me to be happy, even if she wasn't.

 _"_ _Ana, you don't have to do this. I don't even know if Elliot and I will move in with each other until we are married. And that could be ages away."_

 _"_ _Kate, I love you. You're my sister and closest friend. I promise you I'm going to be fine. I found a place not far from here, and its perfect for me. I want you to be happy Kate, and I can't wait to see you walk down that aisle. This had to happen eventually."_

 _"_ _Ana, I don't know what to say."_

 _"_ _I'm not dying Kate. I'm literally moving down the road. And you can come over as much as you want. This doesn't change anything between us. You're still my person."_

 _"_ _Well at least have a glass of wine with me. I've miss you. At least stay one more night. "_

 _"_ _Ok."_

 _"_ _Plus, if he doesn't want to treat you right, I have more than enough suitable bachelors to make you forget all about him."_

 ***ANA POV***

It was a small one bedroom unit. It was big enough for just me and not much else. It was on a quiet block, with a doorman and buzz in, buzz out service. I was four floors up, but thankfully there was a lift that meant I didn't have to carry everything up flights and flights of stairs. I had a a great view of the water and the little cafes and restaurants that littered the streets below. I had a medium sized bedroom, large bathroom and decent sized kitchen. Everything looked new but used. There was new appliances and wooden floors, and what I loved most about this place is that there wasn't a single trace of him anywhere. There wasn't memories of fun times, or images of remembering times we got lost in each; and used our bodies to say what our mouths couldn't. It was a clean slate; a fresh start. The movers would be back tomorrow with some more of the furniture that I needed. For now, all I had was my bed, clothes and a couch. It was all I needed. Both Sam and Kate had tried to convince me to let them stay the night, but I was insistent that I didn't need anyone to look after me or babysit me. I was fine on my own. I was about to jump in the shower when I heard a knock at the door. I wrapped my robe around me and headed to the door.

 _"_ _I told you Kate, I'm fine. You don't need to worry about…"_

 _"_ _Ana."_

 _"_ _What are you doing here?"_

 _"_ _I wanted to see you."_

 _"_ _You've seen me plenty. How did you find this place?"_

 _"_ _Sam told me. He knew I was looking for you and since you haven't been answering your phone, I had no choice."_

 _"_ _Everyone has a choice Sawyer."_

Ushering him, towards the semi-empty unit, I could see that wasn't wearing his usual suit attire that meant that he hadn't worked today. He was wearing black chinos and a grey hoodie. It made him look younger and not so serious. His dark hair was messy and he had stubble, that I'd never seen on him. In a perfect world, one where I wasn't completely numb, I would have been intimidated by him; based solely on his appearance alone. But nothing seemed to matter these days.

 _"_ _I would offer you a coffee or something, but I only have wine and plastic cups at the moment. The rest of my things will be coming tomorrow."_

 _"_ _I would have helped with the move, Ana. You know I would have."_

 _"_ _I know."_

 _"_ _Ana…"_

Turning away from my empty fridge, I was greeted by him standing close to me. He smelt of open forest and open water. I could almost see the beautiful scenery just from his scent. His eyes were the deepest of honey brown; it was almost caramel. If I was being honest with myself, he was beautiful. There was something about the way he had always looked so calm and powerful, without crushing me. There was small freckles peppering his nose and across his cheeks. But there was worry there to, almost pity. I hated him for it.

 _"_ _Yes."_

I was breathing hard. There was something about the way he was looking at me or the way he was holding my hands. We were close, but he made it clear that there was nothing he could ever want from me. I had been vulnerable and had made the wrong move and had fucked everything up. I had moved to quick or moved when it wasn't wanted or warranted. And I knew now that it was a mistake and again I was taking out my emotions on him. It wasn't fair on him and it wasn't fair on me. I wasn't ready and neither was he.

 _"_ _I didn't mean it. I want you to know that I didn't mean it."_

 _"_ _Its ok. I was totally my fault. Don't worry about it, honestly."_

Taking his hands away from my hands, he cupped my face. I could feel the callouses on his hands, and the heat radiating from them. They were strong and firm and capable. I didn't want to need them; I didn't want to need anyone again. There was too much at stake; so much that can be used against you as a weapon. There wasn't a thing about him that I didn't trust; that I didn't want. But that could very well be the weak me, needing to cling to anything to survive. He could be the very thing that saves me, but he could also be the thing that actually kills me. And I was already balancing on a very thing edge, and he could be the thing that pushes me over the edge.

 _"_ _I see you. I know that you're hurting and I don't want you to ever look at me the way you look at him. He never deserved you."_

 _"_ _Stop."_

 _"_ _No Ana. You are more than he ever gave you credit for. He looked at you like another business deal; like you were some sort of trophy. I would never hurt you the way he did. My eyes have only ever been for you."_

 _"_ _You should stop. We should stop."_

 _"_ _There you were, beautiful and breaking and unknowing about the strength you had inside you. And it killed me seeing you waste away. You don't know many times I nearly carried you away from him and from that place, how many times I was listening outside your door fighting with myself about wether I should enter and hold you or not or how many times I wanted to see you smile at me the way you always smiled for him."_

 _"_ _Don't, you are about to ruin everything and I need you."_

It was soft, almost like a feather. His lips were warm and tasted like chocolate. I found myself melting into him, moulding against body where I needed. There were tingles where his breath met mine, and for a moment I felt like I was on fire. It wasn't the fire that destroyed houses and lives and left rumble in its wake; it was the type of fire that warmed during the cold nights, the type of heat the soothed your soul. He was a firm as I imagined and I couldn't help myself as I let my hands roam over his shoulders, and into his hair. I could get lost in him and as selfish as it was, I needed an escape.

 _"_ _I don't want you to owe me anything, Luke."_

 _"_ _We can go our own speed. I don't own you and you own me. And I won't give you anything your not ready for. I won't push you and I won't ever decide for you. I'm here for you."_

 _"_ _Dont lie to me."_

 _"_ _Never."_

This time it was me on him, my lips finding his in this dimly lit unit. I could feel his hands on the lower of my back, as he slipped off his shoes in a seamless move. I could feel the heat rising in his cheeks and hear the sounds that escaped him as I tugged on his short hair. In an instant, I was wrapped around him as he carried me through the darkness. I could feel my legs automatically wrap around his waist, and one of his hands in my hair and the other under me; supporting me. I didn't care where he was taking me, as long as he didn't let me go. This was crazy; this crazy cursed dance we were doing. I couldn't think straight; couldn't put together a sentence that made sense, when all I could feel was his lips on my neck. The feel of his lip dragging against my skin as he nipped, sent shivers down my spine.

 _"_ _Where's your room?"_

 _"_ _Down the hall, second door."_

Suddenly I was in my empty room. The only thing that present was the view of the water through the open window and my freshly made bed. I could feel the breeze on my shoulders; as the robe fell lower to hug my arms. More gently than I thought possible, I was laid on my bed. I didn't have time to think about the consequences about anything, when all I could focus on was the ripples of his stomach as he removed his hoodie. It was like he was sculpted out of stone. Christian was one thing, but Luke looked like there hadn't been a moment where he ever let himself go. Could the people down on the street feel the warmth radiating from me, as they walked around in the night? Could they see the electricity in the sky and the attraction in the sweet air? Or was it just me?

 _"_ _You have no idea how hard its been for me."_

 _"_ _What are you talking about Luke?"_

 _"_ _I have wanted to kill him for months now. Before I could hold back how I felt, because it truely looked like you were happy. But when you started to drift away, I almost snapped."_

 _"_ _Come here."_

With my hands outstretched, he reached for me. Somehow he managed to fit in middle of my bed in between my bent knees. As he kissed the tops of my knees, I ran my nails through his hair, resulting in a approving hum.

 _"_ _Say what you need to Luke. Im not going to break."_

After some hesitation, he continued.

 _"_ _The first time he brought her around me, I knew. Anyone anywhere could see she was just another you. She was wearing her hair the same, even down to wearing the same types of dresses and nail colour. It was like she was you, but at the same time nothing alike. They came to Escala while you were away with Kate for some shopping trip in Portland. Taylor was with you, which meant that I was shadowing them."_

 _"_ _I was only gone for two nights."_

 _"_ _And in those two nights, I nearly left a dozen times. He was showering her with gifts and complements and affection. He didn't even try to hide it from me or Gail. She was as shocked about it as I was. We didn't know what to do or how to act or what to say. I think the shock, is what hit her first, whereas me; I was seeing red. They didn't leave the complex for those two days, and when they finally did, it was to continue playing house with you."_

 _"_ _I remember. I came back on the Sunday night, and he was furious about what I was wearing. We didn't even end up sleeping in the same bed; I ended up back at the Kates unit."_

 _"_ _And then the next day, he showed up at your place with roses and sorries and you had no idea. You ate up his excuse about work stresses, and he showered you with expensive gifts."_

 _"_ _My bracelet."_

 _"_ _Yeah."_

 _"_ _Did he ever say anything to you?"_

 _"_ _Once."_

 _"_ _What did he say to you?"_

 _"_ _It was a couple days before you saw him with her. She was wanting to see more of him and he couldn't make the time. You were working a lot but when you weren't you were there at his place. There was no where to go, and…"_

 _"_ _And what?"_

 _"_ _Ana, there are some things that aren't worth it."_

 _"_ _If you feel anything for me, you will be open with me now. If not, then you should leave."`_

 _"_ _Somehow, Elena knew of Sienna. Apparently they have some sort of history, and Elena allowed them to use a property in the inner city that she owns. It was so both Sienna and Christian didn't have any paper trail and it was easy access for them to meet."_

 _"_ _How do Elena and Sienna know each other?"_

 _"_ _They have some sort of history. Christian knows but never really fully disclosed what the connection was. I don't think he wanted another loose end or possible threat to his extra activities."_

At this point there wasn't much that could shock me. I didn't have enough space in my head to fit anymore bullshit in there and honestly, apart from growing an extra head, there wasn't much that Christian could do or say that would surprise me anymore. This was just another thing, in a long line of things, that kept showing me hasn't the person I thought he was. It was like theres one new bit of information every couple of days, and it was exhausting wasting so much energy on caring. I didn't care about the bad feelings I was getting about this whole situation, or how my brain was trying to figure out what Elena's involvement meant. All I could think about was about the now. I didn't want to live in the past, or think about how he had hurt me. I wanted to be selfish and put myself first for once.

 _"_ _I don't care."_

 _"_ _Its ok to be upset Ana."_

 _"_ _I know it is. But I don't want to be anymore. I want to be here… with you."_

 ***SAWYER POV***

I couldn't help but be brought in by her, by everything that she was. And I was trying, trying really hard to

not think about her lips and touching every part of her. When she left the dinner with someone else, all thoughts left my mind. She was never mine, and yet the thought of her hands on someone else, made me fly into action. And when I finally was able to come to her unit with Kate, she wasn't living there anymore. She wouldn't answer my phone calls and there was no way that I was asking Christian to help find her for me. But after a quick stop into the Jakes restaurant, Sam ended up coughing up where she was staying. He didn't seem happy about the whole prospect of me knowing something that she had only let him and a few people know about, but when I said it had to do with her safety, he quickly changed his mind. It wasn't a massive lie, because I would have to find out about the people living near by and check out any threats, but more than that I needed to see her. And when she answered the door in nothing but a robe, it was like a dream.

 _"_ _Ana, I don't want to rush things. I want to make sure this is what you want, that Im what you want. And that your not just jumping into bed with me to forget him."_

 _"_ _I just want you to hold me, the way you used to."_

My next kiss was tender and I tried to show her, just how much him and I were different and how I would never hurt her the way he had. And when she stood and told me that I had interrupted her showering and that I had to wait here, I found myself looking at all the unpacked boxes of books, and thinking that she had never loved something more than then them. Suddenly the buzzing in my pocket had my attention.

 _"_ _Hello."_

 _"_ _Swayer. Where are you?"_

 _"_ _Out. Whats the problem Christian?"_

 _"_ _We will need you to come in."_

 _"_ _Why?"_

 _"_ _There was an issue here and I need everyone here."_

 _"_ _I can't come in tonight."_

 _"_ _And why not?"_

 _"_ _I just can't."_

 _I could here Taylor murmuring something in the background. He was probably informing him of my whereabouts or something of that nature. I didn't care. There isn't much that he could do. If he fired me, he fired me. It would almost be a relief at this point. It would be on less thing to have him hang over my head._

 _"_ _Are you with her?"_

 _"_ _Are you?"_

 _"_ _Im not going to fucking ask again."_

 _"_ _Then don't. Whatever I do in my spare time, my days off I might add, is none of your concern."_

 _"_ _You keep her indoors. Do not go out tonight. Stay where you are."_

 _"_ _Is there a reason for you interfering with her life again?"_

 _"_ _There is nothing that I can't handle."_

 _"_ _Tell me."_

 _"_ _There was a threat made."_

 _"_ _What threat?"_

 _"_ _A package came today. There was photos of both myself and Sienna, and of Ana and I."_

 _"_ _What type of photos?"_

 _"_ _The type I do not want the world to see."_

 _"_ _What do they want?"_

 _"_ _Money."_

 _"_ _Well?"_

 _"_ _Im not in the habit of being threatened. I want to find out who this prick is and what he wants. And I don't want to Ana to get wrapped up in all this."_

 _"_ _And what of Sienna?"_

 _"_ _She's safe."_

 _"_ _Well, so is Ana. I'll come in tomorrow morning."_

 _"_ _Fine."_

I didn't want to think about what this could mean. But I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach, that this was just the beginning of something. It left me feeling anxious and unsettled. I hated not knowing what was around the corner, more so when she was involved. She had been through enough in the last couple months, and this was the last thing that she needed to go through. But as she appeared in the door way with hair wet and wearing nothing but silk shorts and top, with pink frilly lace at the hem, everything left my mind.

 _"Stay with me tonight?"_

 _"If you want me to."_

She was lying in my arms; drawing tiny circles on my wrist with her nails. She was rubbing her feet against mine, and even though there wasn't much left to the imagination with what she was wearing, my need to make sure she was ok outweighed my need to have her, one hundred to one. I had waited a long time for this feeling. And I wasn't dumb enough to not know that there might be a big possibility that she only needed me to get her through this. But I would be here for her, because I wasn't there for her before and I wouldn't fail her again. Even if she woke up tomorrow and decided that I wasn't what she wanted, and that she had found someone who was going to genuinely make her happy, I would let her go. She deserved it, after all those dark months, she deserved to have someone who would put her first.

 _"Ana."_

 _"Yes."_

 _"There is something I need to let you in on and I don't think you're gonna like what you hear."_


End file.
